19/08/2014 08:16 BST | Updated 18/10/2014 06:59 BST

What Type of Mum Are You? Look No Further as It's Written in the Stars (Apparently!)

As if there is not enough pigeon holing of us mums already, as we endure fellow mums, relatives, friends and the old woman down the street trying to shoe horn us into a motherhood "type". We now have the latest stereotyping on the mum block that is "Momstrology". Yes you read right ladies. "Momstrology".

Apparently the new key to successful parenting is written in the stars (you know those things you sit staring at for hours on end during the night feeds and teething trauma willing your little one to go the hell to sleep). They can even tell you what type of mum you are, how to best parent your child and more importantly if you are going to get on by determining if yours and your baby's star sign is indeed compatible.

Oh, and if all this is not enough you can ease any worries you have about getting on with said newborn by making sure you conceive at the time of year that will not just produce you a healthy baby but one who's star signs gets on well with yours! Yes my fertile friends, it is now no longer enough to have to work out your prime ovulation dates, best time of day to have sex and your temperature range to get pregnant, you now have to throw your star sign into the mix too. Something I'm sure is grating on the nerves of you quick tempered Scorpios, however, may well be floating the boat of you ridiculously organised Virgos.

SERIOUSLY! Is this for real?

Why are people and in turn ourselves forever interested in working out which box us mums fit into? Are we an earth mum? A working mum? A stay at home mum? A breastfeeding mum? A co-sleeping mum? A gentle parenting mum? The bloody list is endless, which leads me to question do we really need another guest to add to the party? Do we really need another title to justify and define our choices in motherhood?

If this awarding of titles is inevitable, then please can we at least make them more realistic and honest so us mums can actually buy into them and see them as a true reflection of our lives? And can we please make these definitions ever changing to give them a chance of keeping up with the chameleon camouflage us mums have to adapt on an hourly basis to fit in with our surroundings and the demands of our offspring? Regardless of what our star signs suggest we should be doing or feeling?

Titles such as "Knackered Mum", "On the edge Mum", "Happy to have got to the end of the day with tiny human still alive mum", "Make mine a large G&T mum" and "No Bullshit Mum" (couldn't help that one) are apt titles and ones that need no explanation or further delving into to reveal the type of mums we are - Ladies with a vagina of steel and a good sense of humour!

Which leads me to ask how about just "mum"?

The title of mum is a badge of honour to be worn with pride. It symbolises to all others that we have gone to extraordinary lengths to bring tiny humans into this world and are doing our damnedest to ensure they don't turn out as total shits (regardless of their star sign) but instead fully functioning people we actually want to spend time with (regardless of our compatibility with their astrological make up). Whether the biological mum or the mum who chose to adopt or foster their children, the title of mum does what it says on the tin no further explanation needed or consulting of the stars required.

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