26/08/2016 12:02 BST | Updated 25/08/2017 06:12 BST

#MermaidThighs - The Latest Trend in Body Shaming Bullsh*t

Lisa Noble Photography via Getty Images

Can we please talk about the latest body trend to take over social media- Mermaid thighs?

Huge numbers of women have come out in full force to support this new hashtag trend. Cries of body positivity and empowerment can be heard across all social media platforms, as women embrace their thick thighs.

And what's wrong with that? Not a damn thing! It's awesome!

I would love for more people to embrace their gorgeous bodies and have that kind of self assuredness that comes with not giving a flying f*ck about beauty standards. I'd love it even more if there was an equal representation of thighs, thighs with lumps, bumps, stretch marks and hair in a variety of skin tones. That's just me, I'm all about everybody being represented.

How and ever! This trend is not about that. This trend has come about to spit in the face of the previous trend of having a thigh gap. This trend is all about thighs touching!

If your thighs touch, you are some kind of mermaidy babely goddess, well done you!

If your thighs don't touch? Too bad, you're not on trend, you do not get to be a mermaid with us, go elsewhere.

Does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture?? Why are we championing one attribute and vilifying another? Moreover, why the hell are people calling it body positive as they do so?

Let me put it straight for you!

If you are celebrating your body and being truly body positive, you do NOT make someone else feel badly about their body. It couldn't be more simple. Telling people with thigh gaps to go eat a burger is not in the Bo Po spirit, so quit being a d*ck!

We are all intelligent people here, so why is it when the beauty industry calls a trend we all jump on the bandwagon to attain whatever it is they are touting? When will we learn that they don't give a sh*t about your mermaid thighs, thigh gaps or Kardashian-esque booty? They just want your money!!

That's right my lovelies, these trends are all about cash, cash, money.

When the trend was to have a big ass, we got underwear with inbuilt cushioning, y'know for those of us sans derriere. Big pouty lips are on trend! No problem here's a few gadgets, lotions and potions that'll help sort that right out for you. If I see tights with thigh cushioning in Primark, I may have to go out a window!

So can we please stop it! Stop the nonsense of making bodily attributes a trend! Could we maybe embrace a culture instead, where there is no wrong way to have a body.

I'm not just talking photo-shopped bodies here either. Real bodies! Some with hair, some without, bits that hang, bits that wobble, bodies that are taut or muscly, all the shades of skin, stretchmarks, scars, bodies with bits missing, bodies that work differently than other bodies do.

A whole rainbow of all kinds of bodies and nobody is made to feel less than because of the kind of body they have!

If you think one person can't bring about this change, then vote with your wallet! Refuse to buy it! Make your voice known, let companies know this nonsense is not ok!

Everybody deserves to feel happy and content with their bodies and it should not just be afforded to the few who are momentarily on trend.

Of course not everyone is going to be ok with their body, not everybody is going to be all shiny, happy, sparkles about their physicality. There is plenty of room for that too.

It's your body, you get to feel what every way you like about it.

Bottom line it's your body and your business.

(I could take this opportunity to start a Repeal the 8th amendment rant but I'll save that for another article. )