I hope you don't mind me calling you this, for you truly are a survivor. You might not have had to slay zombies or save the world, but after going through what you did as a kid, you've earned that title.
What ever form(s) of abuse you suffered, be it sexual, physical or emotional, will have left you with demons. If you haven't already acknowledged them, then the time has come to do so.
For once we make peace with our past it frees up all the associated baggage, and allows us to move forward with our lives.
By baggage of course I'm referring to the guilt. The never ending guilt that us survivors often carry around with us.
The shame of being abused. Of having our innocence stolen from us at such a young age.
The thing is, we have to make peace with all that went before, so we can make our world a brighter place for our own children. It's vital for them, we owe it to them to be the best we can possibly be. So do this for their sake. Whether they are already here, or just a twinkling in your eyes.
Slow down. Take a breath. And be honest with yourself.
Are you drinking too much? Taking drugs? Going out and getting hammered every other night? Are you sleeping around in the hope that someone, anyone will show you some real love? Are you starving yourself, binging or comfort eating? Are you in tons of unnecessary debt? Are you cutting yourself just to feel something?
You will find a way to undo whatever damage is being done by your own self-destructive behaviour.
You deserve happiness.
YES. YOU. DO!
First, you must start being kind to yourself.
Find a creative outlet, take up a hobby, eat well, exercise, look after your mental health. Stop the negative thoughts in their tracks. Do not let those thoughts control you.
If you have people in your life that are still taking advantage of you, then know they are toxic and need to be walked away from. You must find the strength from somewhere to cut the ties.
You might not have much clarity right now, but as soon as you start to make changes you will see things more clearly. You'll come to realise what you need to do to turn it all around.
Eventually you will forgive yourself.
If you're lucky enough to have some, cherish the wonderful folk who've proved themselves worthy of a place in your life.
If you don't have any yet, then know you will make real friends once you have moved on from the festering pile of turd you have had to pull yourself out of.
Time will be always be the best and truest healer. If you can summon the strength to get through this next bit it will pass.
Don't let those ba***rds who robbed your childhood win.