I recently began thinking about something terrifying, the one thing that can make you begin to sweat with nerves at just the thought, some of us anyway; commitment. To some of us, it comes naturally, to others, trying to get a little bit of it is a true nightmare.
Once upon a time a friend of mine said 'if you think you can find commitment in 2014, darling, get real... you have a higher chance of winning the lottery', to some, you may think she got it right, to me? Well, I've always loved a challenge.
So I got out into the dating world, and one-by-one, my friend's points were correct... There was the one who checked his dating profile half way through the date and I couldn't possibly forget the one that announced his undying love after half a bottle of wine, needless to say, there was no second date. But then, there was the one, cool, calm and confident, who despite being fun to be around, exciting and different from the rest had announced on the first date; 'you're a great guy, just don't fall in love with me.'
They say confidence is sexy, where he was concerned, it was, but perhaps believing someone will fall in love with you at first glance is a little bit too confident.
Needless to say, there was a reason he said 'don't fall...', he was incapable of commitment. Despite still being the type of person you could settle down with, he couldn't settle with just one person, he also couldn't not be in a relationship. It was like he could only say yes when he was asked out, despite already being in one relationship, and at one point, two relationships.
I once heard that 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned', whoever said that got it very wrong, it has no fury like a gay man scorned, and when things don't go well, it gets ugly... If more than one man is involved too it becomes like a love tug-of-war. Eventually however, we mature... it's a bit like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, you get wise, but there's also those that get stuck in limbo.
There was the one that couldn't stand close to me in a bar because he 'didn't do that', there was the guy a girlfriend of mine dated continuously for four years but could never get the ring on her finger... bless her for trying though, an engagement ring picture was clearly displayed for some months but to no avail, there was just no commitment in sight.
I took a gap year, until a friend suggested some apps to make me less of a, and I quote, 'hermit.' I expected a continental buffet and got a choice of wiping to the left for a 'no chance' or the right for a 'yes, absolutely.' I took to it like a duck to water, within a week the app had stopped giving me choices, I had given my opinion of all of those available to me.
Not as someone that said he wanted commitment, apps aren't necessarily the best option, so I decided to give boy number one another chance, he must have changed eventually. I met him randomly after four years of not speaking at a recent event.. It's like the butterfly thing again, eventually people change, they grow up and he had - a little bit!
After a few dates, we took the plunge and made a relationship official, and a few weeks later we took an even bigger plunge and went to the gay scene. I was too sober and the bar was full of his ex's. It was fight or flight, but with my work load, I was out for a change, and I was not ending it for anything. With eyes burning through me, and honestly if looks could kill, I wouldn't be writing this now, I was stood in a corner trying to pretend I hadn't noticed the looks when I was spun into the centre of the bar, and given one of those awful public displays of affection - If you managed to read of my last piece 'Lack of Love for the PDA', you'll know I'm not a big fan. But after that, I did consider this... Anyone that could do that while all of those eyes were focussed, must be open to the idea of some commitment - However shocking that may be for the person in question.
So the story of guy number one, or 'the one', who remains nameless and has been told never to read a piece of writing that I do - But did joke 'if ever we row, I look forward to what you'll write about it', is only just beginning but the girl who warned me commitment was less like than winning the lottery... She's now engaged, with no hints needed, the girlfriend of mine that made just a few hints for the ring, she's now married... proof that eventually, good things, such as commitment, come to those who wait - or become so sick of waiting they make things happen!