© Sacha Knop.
Did you start off 2016 by vowing to yourself that THIS time you'd finally stick to your resolutions?
Maybe you told yourself that you'd finally stop smoking...
Or you tried cutting out alcohol or carbs...
Maybe you swore you'd leave that former partner alone and find a real love to appreciate you...
Whatever your resolutions were, you probably started off filled with enthusiasm and resolve. You dove head-first into making THIS the year you finally became who you really want to be.
But if you're like most people...the SECOND you thought that...BAM. Life threw you a major curveball and knocked you right back into your comfort zone. Right back into that bad habit that's been holding you back for years.
Such a stupid habit. Such a tiny thing.
You have NO idea why you can't tackle it... you're an intelligent person, right? You should be able to do this!
Now you're kicking your own butt for failing AGAIN at something that SHOULD be simple. If you can't change this ONE little thing, how can you POSSIBLY succeed at the bigger dreams you have?
And so, if you're like most, you go right back to where you were. With a brave face, you lie to yourself and others about it "being okay". You just pretend... and slip right back into learned helplessness.
Comfortable, sure. Easy, but unhappy and afraid to get to the bottom of this.
When the bad feelings creep up on you, you paper them over. Maybe with a drink. Maybe with sex. Maybe with gambling. Always with more lying.
Deep down, you're more imprisoned. More guilty. More stuck.
Here's the truth. This really isn't about that habit that you couldn't fix. Not about overeating. Or gambling. Or lying. Or loving people you know you shouldn't.
None of those are the real problem. They're just symptoms.
They're the things you do to NUMB yourself from dealing with something deeper. Something older. Something stickier than even that nagging habit. Working on the habit is not going to do the trick.
Water is leaking from the bathroom upstairs. Eating a hole in the ceiling. You patch up the hole... but unless you fix the leak, it'll eat right through.
To turn this around, you have to get over your fear and fix the REAL problem at the heart of all this insanity and wasted activity.
You've been focusing on how to fix the symptoms. As long as you do that, your mind will keep running around in circles. Feeling more lost. More confused and you drift further away from you, your dreams, your happiness. Focusing on the HOW is never going to get you out of it.
Here's how to fix it for good.
Step 1. Accept Your Life and Your Role in It.
Painful as it is to admit, YOU are the one keeping yourself in this situation. Go deep. Be honest with yourself. You're the one who brought this about. And only YOU can un-do it. Being honest about this gives you the power to find YOUR truth. To shut off the upstairs leak instead of patching up the ceiling.
Step 2. See Things as They Really Are.
Acceptance leads to clarity. Clarity on how things are, free from blaming or projection. THAT gives you real power. Suddenly, you remember who you are. Now you can look ahead and CHOOSE what your life will be. Choose, rather than frantically reacting to your own drama.
Now, that dream-life becomes visible. The world looks brighter. You'll start to feel good again.
Now that you've found the real reason, real solutions start pouring in.
Now it's action time.
Once you're clear and connected to what you truly want, you can access the path to get there. Each time you act from clarity you move closer to your goal AND it makes you happier too. It is easy, it really is.
The 'What if' - Pitfall
So you are ready to rock and roll, you are clear and you know the path forward so let's just go... right?
This IS the moment that those insecurities from before get triggered. What if I fail? What if it doesn't work? What if I'm wrong?
You are slamming the breaks on a car you've just filled up and started... even before you've driven off.
There are two options here:
1. Return to Step One. Accept that this is your old pattern of protection, thank it, and trust your self. Keep your eye on the goal and your path and keep moving forward. You'll see that this voice of fear DOES die out over time...OR...
2. Get some help. When you've been through this process again and again, stopping and starting, you may realize you need help. If you didn't need help, you would have solved this long ago. Accept it. Get the help you need. You just need a little support and understanding to keep you moving forward.
If that's you, then there are some amazing free solutions out there. Ready to get support and clarity right away? Then Join our free Facebook Group: Authentic Life, Leadership, and Style.