07/10/2013 08:53 BST | Updated 23/01/2014 18:58 GMT

Friendship Trends

Post fashion week, after seeing another season of air kissing whilst checking out the rest of the room, made me think about friendship trends. Friend is an interesting word these days. It can mean anything from a genuine friendship with a loved one you have known for years, to someone you met once - this too can equal a friend apparently. I am developing a mini series profiling modern day friendships, or more friendshits as the case may be, but for now here is an introduction to the main offenders.

Over enthusiastic/turns crazy one

Fuck love, chill out - I only met you once! They seem pretty normal at first, just friendly and loving life you know? But give these girls a chance and the minute you're on Skype, Facebook chat, or she's had a read receipt on that text she sent you: she's on you like a fly on shit - pound the alarm.

The Energy vampires

Unfortunately not Bella or Edward, these suckers bring you down! Their monotone voice, woes, general demeanour. Step away from the pale talker...

The: I'm single - I'm back! Friend

Suddenly after months of not hearing from Jenny and enduring endless photos of her & Jeff posing on Facebook, she's messaging you on a Friday night like you don't have plans! Didn't work again Jen? Oh DEAR.

The: I love it when you're down friend

She loves drama and always has something to moan about. She is never that interested when all is fine, but the minute you have a break up, argument, your boss hates you - she's there, and she loves it! Whatta girl!

Your best friend's boyfriend

He desperately wants you to like him, a bit too much. Uses 'hip' words like you and your bestie do but it just doesn't work: cringe, sad but what can you do...

The: 'Everywhere and nowhere baby' friend

She attends every new magazine launch party, tweets all day and knows all the cool DJs, but what the fuck does she actually do??

The virtual friend

She LOVES you on line, but never has time to meet up in person, thinks you're totes amaze, loves a smiley face emoticon.

The insecure Fashion friend

Her eyes are never wholly on you as she's twitching around checking out the competition, she's not bothered though. Her eyes widen as she asks you where you got your bag, then smiles through gritted teeth as you tell her it's vintage - GUTTED.

The 'fan' friend

You've only met once or twice through your cool designer friend, but now she's added you on every social network, ' likes' everything you do, say, think, then starts trying to copy your hair style, nail colour, life. Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery - it's fucking annoying, and a tad creepy.