THE BLOG
12/07/2013 03:55 BST | Updated 09/09/2013 06:12 BST

Lean Times

Earlier today I committed the ultimate beauty regime shame; I shaved my legs. I'm appalled at myself reaching this all time low in the sexy stakes. I haven't shaved since I was last in a 'proper' relationship in 2009, and that was only because I felt the need to be silky smooth at all times. Waxing is the only way. God damn it - I even lecture my friends on the benefits! And as I rinse out the razor in my private shame, I have to face it: I'm in lean times.

Unlike some of my fortunate friends, I have never had the help of the family, a boyfriend to pick up the dinner tab, or someone who wants to throw a few grand my way; it is just me. Luckily I live my life by the law of attraction, so I never focus on what I don't have, just on what I do, without limiting my wishes due to lack of funds. That said, even I have to admit after two weeks of living on cereal, it's been a fiscally interesting summer.

My lean times are due to a number of factors that have all collided at the same time, with no extra funds on the horizon. I am however always happy to be completely self-sufficient and not a rent boy like some, I could never go the sugar daddy route, eurgh. I always remember in times such as these, that even the great Coco Chanel had two men invest in her at the start of her business enabling her to launch. It was three years later that she was then able to finance herself, so with that in mind and without any such help, as I squeeze the last out of my Chanel eye cream sample I remind myself that for a solo effort, I'm doing okay.

Another low point was dousing myself in perfume at the Chanel counter like a true skank as mine has run out. The pretty sales lady no doubt scanned me thinking I had my gold card at the ready. This is due to my inability to look poor, I can't help but look minted - the irony! It's the same whenever I get sick, I look the same, so no sympathy. I'm actually still breathing 'new' life into my 2008 wardrobe, but then only I know that. Putting a new twist on a dress I wore in Thailand four years ago is not easy let me tell you, but I managed to carry it off with ease, damn. Matched with my faithful vintage Lavin handbag and Claudia Schiffer hair (yes I'm well aware it's just the hair) I look like I'm waltzing out of Boots to a taxi into the night, but I'm actually riding the loser cruiser as my flat mate calls it, aka the bus, back home to tuck into that cereal. One treat I did have the other night was a friend visiting me from New York who treated to a totally English dinner of posh cod and chips; he had no idea how much I needed it as I mentally licked the plate clean.

Another recent treat/irony was on the same day that I received three final demands for unpaid bills complete with court proceedings to follow, yawn, I also signed my first publishing contract for a series of eBooks. I have learnt to love the fact that my life is a roller-coaster ride for one, but I have a feeling that pretty soon I will be going to back to the Chanel counter to purchase that perfume - CASH!