13/02/2014 07:34 GMT | Updated 14/04/2014 06:59 BST

Valentine Valenfine!

I LOVE Valentine's Day, but then, I pretty much love everything - apart from moody people. When I try to spread the V Day love though, often it is met with a sour face and 'Oh I HATE Valentine's day' followed by 'It's a marketing scam!' Generally these people also hate New Year's Eve because it's 'pointless' Jesus! Lighten up! Who cares if Valentines is a big commercial rip off filled with naff teddy bears and no BJ for the boys if they don't shower their ladies with cheap chocolates and prosecco. Any excuse to celebrate love, or get a shag is fine by me: and it's not like I have a great track record with Valentines.

My first attempt at firing Cupid's arrow was a total miss. It was at primary school and my bow was aimed at Richard. Oh Richard, he was perfect even at the age of eight, and he reminded me of Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. I made him a Valentines card with hearts stuck on everywhere and placed it in his draw with no name - like I needed one; I gazed at him throughout most classes. Unfortunately Richard only had eyes for Rebecca: a beautiful honey blonde with big green eyes and a smile that lit up the room. I had short blonde Afro like hair having not discovered styling just yet, a round face and a body to match. Richard did not gaze at me, and my rounded heart was broken when Rebecca received a card from him. Ironically Richard found me a few years ago online and was very interested in me. However my love had waned, if he didn't love me with an Afro he didn't really love me, at least he didn't marry Rebecca though.

I had a nasty brush with a cut up Lycra catsuit posted to me by an ex boyfriend one Valentines (see my infamous Lycra Lover piece for details) Another memorable Valentines for all the wrong reasons comes courtesy of another ex, obviously, the gift that kept on giving: Daniel. He started off amazing well, for him. Presenting me with chocolates and a card the night before Valentines as he was going out for the night. On his return home the following day we had planned a sexy times night in. I opened the card in the morning: it was one of those annoying black and white comedy cards with a lady bending down looking into an oven with a guy standing over her saying 'While you're down there'. I saw the funny side, with a yawn, and tucked into my chocolates that weren't cheap by the way, no, Highgate's finest.

I spent the afternoon prepping myself. Sexy black dress, suspenders, stockings, 'fuck me' make-up and oiled up a treat. After lying on the bed for an hour after he was due to come home, he called saying he'd just woken up after another all-nighter and would be home soon. He came home hours later to fresh-faced, t-shirt wearing, pissed off anti-sexy version of me who was not going anywhere 'down there'.

So there you have my three most memorable Valentine Days: a rejection, a freak, and non-event, yet I still LOVE Valentine's Day. I'm hanging out (praying) for an amazing one to finally arrive filled with Cartier - Kanye style, Roses and most importantly with the love of my life. Until then, I choose to celebrate all types of love each Valentines. Love for friends, family, colleagues and life! Haters should do the same, whether it is a money pit or not, cheer up and spread the L.O.V.E because even the idea of love is better than no love at all!

Happy Valentines! - I hope you get some X