11/11/2016 07:01 GMT | Updated 11/11/2017 05:12 GMT

Lady Garden

Lady garden, your bits, pussy, are all nicknames for something that we women find challenging in discussing in detail. Why is that? We should give its own Facebook page, celebrate it, give it a party, you get my drift... Alas, we don't.

I was reminded of my own lady garden whilst shopping the other day. As christmas is nearly upon us, the shelves are filled with a myriad of perfumed bath products. A wry smile formed on my lips as my lovely - but slightly eccentric gynecologist - would be tutting and shaking his head at the sight of these products. You see, he takes a very dim view of these products and believes they should be nuked.

I first had a consultation with him last year after having recurring intimate problems.

This is how the conversation transpired:

Doctor: "Ahh, you've been having intimate problems?"

Me: "Yes, doctor."

Doctor: What kind of underwear do you wear?"

Long pause

Me: "Er, excuse me?"

Doctor: "UNDERWEAR!!"

Me: "Thongs."

Deep sigh and shaking of head.

Doctor: "Throw them out. Bacteria on a stick."

Another long pause

Doctor: "What do you put in your bath?"

Me: "Is this a trick question? Water and bath oil as I like to smell nice."

Basically my doctor diagnosed me within five minutes and relieved me from months of agony.

Perfumed bubble baths were the triggers that were leaving my intimate area out of sorts. The ingredients in these products was causing the problem:


Sodium Laureth




Unperfumed vegetable soap is a natural product that is less likely to cause thrush and urinary tract infections and is far cheaper than those overpriced bath oils.

We all like to smell nice but perfumed bath products can leave our lady garden wilted. Another natural bath product is Epsom salts. I discovered this product that makes my limbs silky soft and eases my aches and pains. 100% natural not a ounce of perfume or nasty ingredients.

If your garden is not flourishing, refrain from using perfumed bath products and your 'bits; will start to bloom again.