14/06/2017 06:21 BST | Updated 14/06/2017 06:21 BST

Six Tips For Managing Difficult Conversations Well

It can be difficult to confront the loved ones in our life about important conversations we want to have with them. Heck, it can be difficult confronting the reality of those situations ourselves. It's also easy to get caught up in the fear and let that motivate our actions rather than get caught up in thoughts of what could be if we successfully resolved the relationship issue we're having.

Here's the thing; if you focus on the fear you might fool yourself into believing something false that only really serves to give you permission to avoid a difficult conversation and a difficult situation. Below are three possible reasons you might be using to justify your avoidance of the tough conversation you need to be having:

  1. You might be avoiding an issue because you care for the relationship and are worried you might jeopardise it with your honesty. In reality, though, are you actually allowing the fear to be more powerful than your love for the other person and your desire to make that relationship work?
  2. You might be thinking that not confronting a relationship issue is a better choice for your mental health but the reality is that your mind doesn't just forget about the concerns you have, at least not for long. So, is it really helping your mental health or insidiously hindering it?
  3. You might be avoiding an issue because you are still hoping it will rectify itself, you know, two years on. Hmmm, do you think it maybe needs your proactive help now?

Always make your goals the motivator of your actions, not your fears, whether the goal is a happy and healthy relationship or a happy and healthy you.

Sometimes we need to press pause on our fast-paced modern lives and actually think hard about how we're approaching a relationship problem, why we're approaching it as we are if we haven't yet reaped the results we want, and how better to approach it. In this short video I discuss six tips for making difficult conversations easier because when what you need to do feels easy and clear, you're more likely to do it:

If, after watching this video, you use the tips to help you to execute a difficult conversation, you'll likely find the conversation was easier than you had anticipated and much more fruitful than you had expected.

Preparation is key and sometimes we avoid difficult conversations not so much because of those three points listed above, but because we just don't know how to broach the situation. Let the six tips in the short video above guide your preparation and execution of the important conversation you need to have and be patient with the process. You might resolve the issues immediately, as some of my clients do, but sometimes that first difficult conversation is a brilliant start to ultimately resolving whatever's been troubling you for a while. If you do need to have more than one conversation to totally resolve the issue, simply use the six tips in the video for each conversation.

When you plan and prepare it shows you care. That's much better than the 'let's chuck a loaded comment out there and see what comes back' approach! :-)

Make a healthy love for yourself and others the motivator of your actions, not your fears. Whatever you focus your mind on, you will consciously and subconsciously work towards.