Have you lost your online dating buzz? Are you currently weighing up whether you can face doing more online dating or whether you need to think about becoming a hermit? If so, you're asking yourself the wrong questions.
My job means I get to interview and chew the fat with some of the world's best dating and relationship experts and I found the same issues keep coming up. I boiled down a lot of that dating wisdom to 5 questions that people can ask themselves if they want to date smarter. Try this, I bet you find your online dating becomes a whole lot more interesting.
Photo credit: Saskia Nelson, Hey Saturday
What's the worst that can happen?
One of the things that all the dating and relationships experts agreed on, is that everybody is afraid when it comes to dating. Scrap that, not afraid, but terrified. So if anything about online dating gives you the fear, that's great you're in good company - pretty much everyone is in the same boat. The only difference is that some people just face their fear and date regardless. So don't limit your opportunities because of fear; that would be a real waste. Just follow Dr Pepper and ask yourself, 'what's the worst that can happen?' And then ask yourself if the outcome is really all that bad. In all honestly, what have you got to lose? Probably very little. Ask this question, every time you feel the fear and then take action regardless.
Would I date me?
This gem of a question and was passed on to me by one of America's top dating coaches, Hunt Ethridge. Before you start hitting up people for dates, you need to ask yourself this question. What have you got to offer people? Would you be a great date? Are you aiming to meet someone who is at the top of their game at work, has a full on social life and still has time to save the whales while the most you can manage is Netflix and chill? It might be time to up your game and make yourself highly dateable before carrying on with online dating. Australian dating blogger Iona, of 30 Ever After, echoed this sentiment by saying 'be the type of person you want to meet'.
Photo credit: Saskia Nelson, Hey Saturday
Am I still only dating my type?
When I was dating, I knew exactly what my 'type' was. I knew what he wore, what he listened to where he lived and breathed. Of course, the guy I fell in love with is pretty much the complete opposite of that guy. So yes, another area that all dating experts and matchmakers agree on is that people need to ditch their 'type' and be open to experimenting with all kinds of people. If you start relaxing your rules around age, height, child status etc, you'll definitely find things start getting a lot more interesting.
Am I having fun yet?
Online dating should be the most fun you've had in ages. If you aren't having fun, then you need to look at the reasons why. Perhaps you're taking it too seriously? Perhaps you're letting the bad experiences get you down? If this sounds like you, then I'd recommend taking a break and reconnecting with the fun you. Ditch online dating for a while and sign up to things that are just about you having fun. Rediscovering your fun side, puts you in the right frame of mind for online dating - happy, confident and not taking things too seriously. I love how Sarah Jones of Introverted Alpha puts it, 'enjoy the hell out of being you'. Good dating experiences are bound to follow.
Am I thinking myself unhappy?
If you regularly think things like 'all the good ones are taken' or 'online dating is for losers' or even 'online dating sucks, I wish I didn't have to do it', then heck, you know what, you're going to have bad online dating experiences for sure. Everyone has thoughts like this from time to time but if they're running through your head like a 24 hour news ticker, then it's time to take a step back, examine the thoughts and beliefs going through your head and address them. The easiest way to do this is to actually write them all down and then replace each thought with a cool, new positive one. Then find evidence to back up your new thoughts and retrain your brain to think yourself happy. If you're struggling with this, try working with a dating coach to help you through it.