05/12/2016 09:28 GMT | Updated 04/12/2017 05:12 GMT

Are They All Fluent In Mumble?

I wonder where the inspiration or idea came from for the Game whereby the aim of the game is to correctly understand the phrase your teammate is trying to say, while I imagine trying not to spit - through a mouth guard! Did the creator get this idea from maybe having a teenage son? Maybe he found it hard to understand what was being said and thought what a great idea for a game! I say this as it would seem that we play a very similar version to this every day at home, albeit minus a board, phrase cards and the all important mouth guard. But the concept is definitely the same: guess what my teenage son has just said, as quite frankly at this moment in his teenhood I have no real idea what 95% of the sound means that comes out of his mouth.

Don't get me wrong I can clearly hear it's a mumble but other than that it's pure guess work and my constant regular misinterpretation of what he is saying does not go down well. If my teenage daughter is around, it's great as she is fluent in mumble and translates word perfect for me, although I find that we seem to have crossed wires when it comes to the correct understanding of each mumbled phrase, mine always being slightly different to his!

The pressure to understand it right first time is enormous as saying pardon more than once will only result in a grunt and him asking me if I'm going deaf in my supposed old age. This then always results in me deliberately pulling the 'pardon' funny card out the bag which he falls for every time, failing to see the hilarity of my joke!

However, it seems that I too must mumble as when I ask, what I believe to be a simple question, such as "'have you done your homework?" his answer is usually yes, yet at bedtime he suddenly remembers that yep he does have homework triggering an explosive response from me pointing out he said he had, too which he swears he hadn't actually realised what I had meant!

It's like when I cant find my phone to text him, so instead yell out for him, yet he seems not to hear, so with a few more yells and no response I turn the broadband off, this unspoken act he understands and is quick to respond!

Always keen to keep the line of communication strong with my kids, which they aren't always keen to embrace, but as their mother I am interested and feel it important to keep up with what they are doing, who they are seeing, how school is going, blah blah blah, it's never a long conversation, in fact its usually short and to the point as answers consist of nothing more than 'fine', 'not your business', or simply 'why do you need to know?'

So, after repeatedly failing the mumbling listening test, I took to the drawing board and thought I would keep a handy little dictionary close to me of popular phrases all translated for easy reference for when the mumbling is rumbling.

So to avoid writer's cramp creeping in I decided to start with only 16 of the 50+ and have listed below the most current phrases mumbled. 1-15 are mumbled loudly and some with eye rolling for added affect but I stress that No. 16 is not mumbled but spoken in a surprisingly affectionate clear as a whistle tone.

  1. Everyone = No-one
  2. I haven't lost it/Someone must have taken it = I've lost it
  3. Yes I know *continuous eye rolling* = No idea at all will wing this somehow
  4. I am listening *looking at phone* = I have no idea what you just said
  5. Yes I am getting dressed = Crap, where are my clothes
  6. I am going to sleep *looking at phone* = In a couple of hours when I have finished snapchatting
  7. Hang on *cross face* = What is up with that woman! I will be out when I'M ready
  8. Just Coming *adjusting hair* = One more selfie and I'm done
  9. I don't have any homework = Only English & Maths which can wait until bedtime
  10. It's not my fault!! *surprised look* = Yep it's mums fault she should have warned me my pocket had a massive gaping hole/reminded me it was PE today/that I had homework/my maths homework was wrong!
  11. Can you help me with my homework = Can you do it as I can't be arsed
  12. Did you ring me? = Why would you ring me when I'm with my mates?!? You know I won't respond until the 'RING ME NOW' text arrives
  13. You don't understand = What would she know!!! I'm 14 making me 'Mr Knower of all'
  14. Not much = A lot, sharing the details would only lead to further questioning that I cant be arsed with it
  15. Why would I lie? = I am lying through my teeth because if you knew you wouldn't let me
  16. I love you, you are the best mum ever = this will calm her moaning down!

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