09/03/2017 10:26 GMT | Updated 09/03/2018 05:12 GMT

D Is For DJ Dan (An A-Z Index Of Bad Dates, Exes & Aubergine Emojis)

"I am somebody who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous. Inconvenient. Consuming. Can't live without each other love" - Carrie Bradshaw said this (or something VERY similar) and I am 100% behind her.

I want that kind of love that makes your leg pop like in the Princess Diaries.

I want the love that lasts a lifetime like my parents.

I'd also like you to have kind eyes and a full set of chops.

I'm thinking Zac Efron in Hairspray.

Last night, I watched Cinderella (2015) for the first time and now I have little love hearts floating around my head.

This week I'm at D for DJ Dan.

The clue is in the name. Dan was a DJ at the Sainsbury's Denton summer party and he had hair like Medusa. Nowadays, I'd probably be thinking "what a chump". Or maybe, "at least it's not a top knot" but at the time I thought he was cool.

Just to set the scene, this was when I was 20, so seeing Dan up there on his decks obviously gave me a semi. He was my Danny from Grease. And, it was perfect because my best friend was getting together/ snogging his best friend.

The thing I remember the most is that it was the first time that I'd really done "the dance". You know "the dance"? I mean we really hung out with each other and built the sexual chemistry. Well, I think that's what happened - OR, we simply grew on each other like a mole. This was when 'Pay As You Go' was still a thing and I wasn't sure I liked him enough to spend all those 10ps on him. I was living on £5 credit a week.

So, unlike now where we get to know one another over What's App, then you meet up and you kind of already know everything, so there's not many things left that are exciting to discover, we would meet up. We would chat and do the dance. Does he like me? Doesn't he? Wait - he paid for bowling, he definitely likes me.

We eventually went on a night out to Manchester's Gay Village and the metaphorical dance became a real dance. We were dancing close together. I was like "I definitely fancy him but does he fancy me?".

Then we kissed and my legs turned to jelly.

That's when crazy Stephen arrived. I was over it.

Well I wasn't, but we'd built up this exciting "dance" around each other. We built something that felt exciting, probably because nothing was actually happening so I was able to build it up in my head to be something it wasn't.

So when the kiss happened, it was actually wonderful. It was something I thought, I'll be blogging about this in ten years so we stopped it. My rationale was - we won't top this! I also thought if we had babies their hair would be STUPID.

So in the words of LeeAnne Womack "I hope you dance". Go find a DJ.