27/06/2016 07:27 BST | Updated 27/06/2017 06:12 BST


This week, I turned 30. People tell you different things about being/turning 30. Some people dread it and have full on anxiety over. Others say it's the making of you. I don't feel any different. I feel happy - 30 or not. It's just one more day. Every January gives me more anxiety.

I have, however, found 30 to be somewhat different to how I had imagined it to be. In the sense that, when I was in school dreaming about being really old and 30 - my imagination had a different idea

from where I actually am.

I thought I would be married TO A WOMAN! I thought we'd have three children - all girls. Prue, Piper and Phoebe (who liked Charmed?? The signs were there). I thought I'd be a lawyer, own a BMW (silver) and have a mortgage on a house on the same road I grew up on.

Instead, I am on the Gatwick Express en route home (London) from a gig in Brighton. I'm alone and I feel super happy. I think what I am trying to get at is where we end up won't always be a straight line from where we started... and would you want it to be?

Recently, I've noticed myself and many pals being restricted in what we do and how we live our lives because certain things aren't the done thing. In 2016, a lot of my female friends still feel coy about asking a guy out because he should ask her. Also in 2016, I don't feel safe shaking my tail feather in the way I want to in Tiger Tiger in case the straight men don't like that I know the whole routine to Cheryl Cole's Fight For This Love.

Restrictions are dumb. I'm not a wordsmith but that definitely sums up what I am getting at.

The only person who can stop you doing what you want to do is you.

Those boys don't care how I dance in Tiger Tiger. They don't care that I'm drinking a blue WKD from a wine glass to feel classy, they just don't want me to grind against them. And I don't want to grind them anyway. Oh straights! Quick point - not all gay men want to penetrate you! We have gay men to penetrate and as our bottom is our weapon, we are very clean and don't leave skidmarks! So thing of it that way - we never want to climb aboard HMS Straight because we've seen your underwear, you leave skidmarks and we can stay safe and clean in the LGBT dingy - the ladies are welcome to you.

And ladies - if you fancy a guy! Ask him out. He's lucky to have you! And if he says No - fuck him. He doesn't deserve you! You are BEYONCE!

Anyway - I am off for a snooze. All I want any one of the five people reading this to take away with them, is 30 is just a number. It's just a birthday - people buy you things and I love it. Don't let 30 restrict you or make you feel like you should be somewhere else.

Don't let anyone judge or restrict you - except yourself. And maybe your mum