1. Don't bullshit. The vast majority of porn is made by men, for men, so don't try and persuade her with spurious arguments about women 'choosing' to work in the industry. Porn is rarely a choice that educated, or wealthy women make, and it is not an industry that you would encourage your daughter to work in. Even if an actress has 'consented' to being penetrated three ways while someone ejaculates on her face, women exposed to that imagery may still feel violated, exploited and angry.
2. Do point out that porn is one of the very few industries - maybe the only industry - where women earn, on average, 50% more than men. According to Forbes magazine, Jenna Jameson made more than $30 million in 2005.
3. Make sure to let her choose the movie. Seventies classics are a good place to start. Drink Babycham and watch a back to back line-up of Emannuelle, Last Tango in Paris, or Behind the Green Door.
4. Obviously, suggest women directors. Erika Lust, for example, makes feminist porn and has her own online store where you can buy a wide range of 'vetted' films. Her latest offering is the third volume of XCONFESSIONS, a series of short films featuring real men and real women having real sex. What a novel idea.
5. Make her laugh with Porn for Women of a Certain Age' or 'Porn for the Working Woman by the Cambridge Women's Pornography Cooperative. These amusing picture books feature good looking guys doing housework with captions such as "Well, I can't offer you any solutions, but I am a good listener".
6. Shop with ethical integrity. Porn and philanthropy make strange bedfellows but adult entertainment company Adam & Eve donates more than 20% of its profits to charitable organizations, such as DKT International which provides funding for family planning and HIV/AIDS prevention around the world.
7. Opt for home movies. Sign up to Cindy Gallup's 'Make Love Not Porn' site and rent homemade porn. It cost five dollars for three weeks unlimited viewing of one film and if you submit your own home movie you get 50% of the rental yield. You might want to keep that bit to yourself.
8. Be sensitive. Whatever you choose to view, remember, her greatest fear is that watching porn will deaden your appetite for cellulite that won't shift and breasts that don't float. If you wind up having sex, keep both eyes on her, not the TV.
9. Be smart. Avoid instruction DVDs. Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Fellatio will be taken as an insult, unless accompanied by Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Cunnilingus
10. And be realistic. Don't use porn as a way of communicating something to her. If you want to try bondage ask her straight. Bringing home 100% Anal will not persuade her to let you in the back door. And statements such as "I bet you could do that way better than her" are transparently manipulative.