04/11/2011 19:36 GMT | Updated 04/01/2012 05:12 GMT

The Moon is Back

The Moon is back! And it's bigger than ever. Not literally of course. It actually never went away and it's still exactly the same size (although I can't scientifically prove that). I'm talking in fashion terms of course and let me tell you, the Moon is going to be SO this millennium!

Back in the old days we all loved the moon. The Blue Moon, the Paper Moon and the cheesy one. We danced and snogged under The Moon of Love. We loved the Moon so much we even gave it a personality - and a face. Sometimes he wore a night cap and winked at us. He snoozed and snored by day and then woke up at night and smiled. A kind old, wise old, Moon.

Back in the very old days - the dark days - we relied on the Moon for its light; to work and fish and hunt and ride and sail and walk at night. Some of us worshipped the Moon (weirdos) but we all acknowledged its immense importance to our lives and our world; its effect on the seas and all the living creatures on Earth.

In recent history we strove to walk on the Moon. There was even a race to get there. Billions of dollars and rubles were spent on rockets and modules and all manner of space craft. Some were flown by dogs or monkeys; tortoises, fish and frogs. Even guinea pigs were used as guinea pigs. And then finally on 20 July 1969 we got there. A man landed on the Moon. Walking on the Moon. A man with a funny name. A man called Sting. Or was it Buzz? Or...maybe it was Neil actually. Anyway we got there. And then we got there again...and again...and again...and then...we all got a bit bored of it.

The Moon had lost its charm. We had all seen it close up on TV in black and white. Dry, dusty and not a Clanger in sight. Nothing to fear but nothing to get excited about either. On Earth, we started to put all this space technology to better use and created new satellites of our own. The new ones were much smaller - but they twinkled like stars - and they gave us so much. Like German porn channels; the ability to target our neighbours with nuclear weapons; and to drive to the nearest KFC without a map.

Who needs the light of the silvery Moon when we've got 42" LED backlit TVs bedazzling and beguiling us in our own living rooms? Who wants to freak out to a Moonage Daydream when we've got Grand Theft Auto? And who bothers to look at the Moon when we've got The Sun? Life on Earth was good and we didn't care about the Moon anymore. But all that is about to change.

As good as it is for some, the life we have on Earth has been officially branded as unsustainable. The global population is out of control; everyone wants three cars, five laptops and a walk-in fridge freezer and it's starting to get really hot in here. How can we keep it all going? How does an economy grow when it runs out of stuff to buy and sell?

Suddenly our eyes are looking to the skies again. Eyes bigger than our stomachs. Staring hungrily at the Moon. China, Russia, India all want in. A new kind of Space Race perhaps? A race of people who actually live in space? Maybe one day. But for now we just need to get back on the Moon.

The Moon has minerals. Very useful when ours run out. It's even got water - only about a cupful for every 300 tonnes of moon rock - but someone's guaranteed to make a fortune bottling it. But more significantly the Moon has much larger quantities of something called Helium 3. Novelty balloons and silly squeaky voices are here to stay. And so is Nuclear Energy.

Apparently Helium 3 mined from the Moon means highly efficient, waste free, nuclear power without radiation. With energy and minerals we can all carry on happily doing all the stuff we like doing. Eating and watching stuff. Probably not walking in the countryside or swimming in the sea but we'll have holograms for that. And it's all thanks to the Moon. So relax everyone. Keep calm and keep on keeping on. The future is bright. The future is pale moonlight coloured.

The Moon is back.