Bad Sex Awards: Literature Prize Honours 2011's Worst Purple Prose

Bad Sex Awards

Huffington Post UK   First Posted: 22/11/11 10:33 Updated: 22/11/11 16:43

Thrusting its way deep into the public consciousness once again, Literary Review's shortlist for the Bad Sex in Literature award has been unzipped for all to admire.

The red-hot list arrived in sweaty, nervous palms on Tuesday ahead of the ceremony on 6 December.

Nominated authors for the 19th annual award, which celebrates the most embarrassing passage describing sex in a novel - not including porn or erotica - include luminaries such as Stephen King, Haruki Murakami and James Frey.

"In a year in which literary awards have come under fire for parochialism and dumbing-down, Literary Review is proud to uphold and recognise literary excellence from around the world," the Literary Review said. "Authors in the running hail from, among other nations, the USA, Hungary, Japan and Australia. Two are annually mentioned in the same breath as the Nobel Prize."

The full-length list of books nominated so far is:

  • 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami
  • On Canaan’s Side by Sebastian Barry
  • The Final Testament of the Holy Bible by James Frey
  • Parallel Stories by Péter Nádas
  • 11.22.63 by Stephen King
  • Ed King by David Guterson
  • The Land of Painted Caves by Jean M Auel
  • The Affair by Lee Child
  • Dead Europe by Christos Tsiolkas
  • Outside the Ordinary World by Dori Ostermiller
  • Everything Beautiful Began After by Simon Van Booy
  • The Great Night by Chris Adrian.

The prize was won in 2010 by Rowan Somerville for The Shape of Her, and the award was presented by Michael Winner.

This year's winner will be announced at a ceremony at the Naval & Military Club in London.

Some of the choice quotes from this year's nominees include:

"In the shower, Ed stood with his hands at the back of his head, like someone just arrested, while she abused him with a bar of soap." (Ed King/Guterson)
"She was wearing jeans. The fabric whispered under my palm. She leaned back and her head bonked on the door. 'Ouch!' I said. 'Are you all right?'" (11.22.63/King)
"[Her breasts] seemed to be virtually uninfluenced by the force of gravity, the nipples turned beautifully upward, like a vine's new tendrils seeking sunlight." (1Q84/Murakami)
"Faster, harder, faster, harder. The room began to shake. Just faintly at first, like a mild constant tremor, like the edge of a far distant earthquake. The French door trembled in its frame. A glass rattled on the bathroom shelf. The floor quivered. The hall door creaked and shuttered. My shoes hopped and moved. The bedhead hammered against the wall. The floor shook hard. The walls boomed. Coins in my abandoned pocket tinkled." (The Affair/Child)

(Follow the Literary Review on Twitter @Lit_Review)

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Thrusting its way deep into the public consciousness once again, Literary Review's shortlist for the Bad Sex in Literature award has been unzipped for all to admire. The red-hot list arrived in swe...
Thrusting its way deep into the public consciousness once again, Literary Review's shortlist for the Bad Sex in Literature award has been unzipped for all to admire. The red-hot list arrived in swe...
 
 
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derrickhoyle
...it's a league game, Smokey.
18:46 on 01/12/2011
Hello? No Bill O'Reilly?
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rambot02
A modest proposal...
01:26 on 27/11/2011
Where's Thomas Bowdler when you need him?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ChelleAgain
It's Chelle ... again.
14:45 on 23/11/2011
I don't get why Stephen King is there. The moment was meant to be awkward -- it's not like he inadvertently wrote it poorly.
19:43 on 02/12/2011
I agree. That's actually well written. Are we supposed to pretend there are never awkward moments in sex? I suspect someone needs to get a sense of humor. Having had my head "bonked" on a headboard and yelped, "Ouch!" I quite sympathised.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Tully Hoover
So while I'm here, I'll have me a real good time!!
13:52 on 23/11/2011
that was a waste of 5 minutes
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
AnaM
12:53 on 23/11/2011
The worst writer of sex scenes in that list is Christos Tsiolkas. I've read all his novels, up to Dead Europe (which precedes The Slap, so I don't know why they have it listed here) and his writing is simply unbearable, never mind the sex scenes.
13:29 on 23/11/2011
Why do you keep reading them Ana! Although I think I can understand the commitment to it now - you have come this far...
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
AnaM
14:19 on 23/11/2011
Well, it's interesting (sometimes) to follow a writer's progress, but when I reached Dead Europe, I realised that it was a foolish enterprise.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
AnaM
12:49 on 23/11/2011
If the sex scenes aren't written like that, then they'd have to take the form of porno-fied erotica, which tends to be icky.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
euromarkusx
Political Party: Lobster
11:52 on 23/11/2011
He took his vorpal sword in hand

Long time the manxome foe he sought
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
mad world
If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything
11:44 on 23/11/2011
Lmao @ those excerpts!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
greenbug14
I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it.
11:15 on 23/11/2011
"She abused him with a bar of soap..." Wow, I must be really missing out on some great literature!
07:58 on 23/11/2011
What? No Breaking Dawn?
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jf12
When I saw her I marveled greatly.
19:14 on 25/11/2011
First!
07:27 on 23/11/2011
Be still my heaving bosom!! LMBO!!!
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06:04 on 23/11/2011
I'm surprised nothing by Laurell K. Hamilton made the list.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
prodemlib
Nanny, nanny, boo, boo! :-P
05:30 on 23/11/2011
OMG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Those are REALLY BAD!
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
KingKrub
04:24 on 23/11/2011
Gettin' kinda steamy in here, isn't it girls..
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BannedInBoston
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
02:50 on 23/11/2011
"Coins in my abandoned pocket tinkled." It doesn't get much better than that....
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
alisonv
05:29 on 23/11/2011
Well, "She leaned back and her head bonked on the door" is right on up there, too...