The sporting world has been in no way rocked by the revelation that some Australian rules football players may have been taking drugs.
"Surely it's the only way of persuading them to wear those tight shorts," said one commentator. "They looks completely stupid. No sober person would put those on."
Wearing tight shorts like this is only possible if you are completely off your head
Others have commented on the muscle T-shirts that players are also obliged to wear, noting that "no sane man would go out looking like a circa 1985 Bruce Springsteen fan unless he was high on something."
Players are regularly forced to throw like girls playing netball
The rules of Australian football - which were drawn up in 1859 by someone on opium - are also notoriously difficult to understand, and apparently only make sense if you're completely wired.
Players have even been known to propose to each other during matches
The Australian Football League has also expressed concerns that some of its fans may be on drugs:
A typical Australian Rules Football fan
And there are fears that the use of drugs in the sport may have influenced those at the highest level:
High on drugs, Prince Charles threatens someone with an Australian football
When asked to comment on the revelations, the International Sporting Federation said: "Australian what?"