The world before 2006 must have been painfully dull.
Before public spats were publicly played out on Twitter what did we do for entertainment?
The latest example of this superb time-killing pastime is between arch-foes Jeremy Clarkson and Piers Morgan.
Perhaps sparked by a column in which Morgan mocks Clarkson's lack of A-list friends, the Top Gear presenter tweeted this...
What a monumental twat this man is. I cannot wait for the day he goes to prison. pic.twitter.com/d3mU6j0mdK
To which Morgan responded thusly...
You had your chance @JeremyClarkson - unfortunately you punch like a muscle-depleted chihuahua. So pipe down, you gnarled old fool.
And soon a fantastic, expletive laden insult-fest ensued.
Here it is in full.
Americans. Don't trust Piers Morgan. He knows how to hack your phone and will fuck up your army for a buck.
And why are you issuing advice to Americans @JeremyClarkson ? They've never heard of you.
I wonder if poor old @JeremyClarkson 's little hissy fit today is connected to Top Gear's disintegrating ratings & rumours it may be axed?
Remember, @JeremyClarkson wanted striking nurses to be 'shot...execute them in front of their families'. Lovely man.
Being called a 'monumental twat' by a racist pot-bellied pig @JeremyClarkson who wants nurses executed is the purest definition of irony.
Last time I saw Piers Morgan, he was at a party listening to Samuel L Jackson and Justin Timberlake I was there with my friends.
I'm going to bed now, happy at the news from CNN insiders that Piers Morgan will soon be sacked.
Piers. Let's finish it with this. Your show attracts a global audience less than Cash in the Attic. That's why you're going to be sacked.
Cash in the Attic gets 500m viewers? > RT @JeremyClarkson Piers. Your show attracts a global audience less than Cash in the Attic
Piers claims his show gets 500m viewers. Hahahahahaha. It's 110,000 on good day.
About 380m behind Top Gear.
Bloody Clarkson gets everywhere. pic.twitter.com/9B3NSnrnDq
At this point we were going to declare Clarkson the winner simply simply for being more concise and appearing to stay calmer.
But then the next morning Morgan tweeted this...
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) October 28, 2013
UPDATE: It has since become apparent Mr Morgan cheekily pinched this picture from another Twitter user so we're calling this one for Clarkson...
Here's a picture of Jeremy Clarkson when he was a little girl. pic.twitter.com/uJDRrNp4ZM
— Lisaaaargh! (@BiscuitAhoy) October 27, 2013