UK

Daily Mail Goes To Extraordinary Lengths To Put Evan Davis' Pants On Page 3

23/07/2014 16:00 BST

Evan Davis was confirmed this week as the replacement for Jeremy Paxman on BBC2's Newsnight.

But before the 52-year-old has even popped his bottom on the sofa, Davis has achieved a feat that Paxo never managed in his 25 years fronting the BBC's flagship current affairs show.

In fact, it what was probably the first time a male BBC presenter has been given such special page three treatment by one of Fleet Street's finest newspapers.

daily mail

*Builds anticipation...*

Davis has been photographed doing that most normal of normal things - strolling.

Ever the ones to squeeze news out of the most benign of situations, the Daily Mail penned an ode, presumably with the working title 'Man Walks Dog'.

According to the Daily Mail, Davis "treated onlookers" - not to a debate on the UK's policy towards Russia in the midst of the Ukraine crisis or even an ice cream to counter the summer heat.

No, Davis did something only that women and gay men can do - expose a suggestive strip of sexually charged underwear.

And in case you missed it or you're only familiar with garters, stockings or pantaloons, they helpfully circled the suggestion of his pants on show.

Of course, the blame for this act which would get you arrested were we not living in a modern society where it happens around 3507 times a second, were "his jeans, which he wore slung low under his hips like a gangster rapper".

(More inspirational lines like this can be found in the Penguin Dictionary of Cliches)

Oh lordy.

And if all this wasn't enough to make Middle England collectively choke on their breakfast the topic then turns to nipple piercings.

As a member of the uninformed general public you may not be aware that the chaffing that occurs from such bodily adornments can ruin political interviews as the presenter relentlessly breaks to rub vaseline (the aloe vera stuff in the green pot) on their red raw nipples.

Presumably this is why the Daily Mail found this the opportune moment to remind readers that Evan's nickname is 'Tinsel Tits'.

But there a few things the old Mail missed.

What about that dog for instance? It's practically naked! And that lead and snazzy breast number it's flaunting surely qualifies as bondage gear.

Perhaps most shockingly of all, he has a bulge in the area where men keep their penises - even gay men.

What is its cause? Is it simply a fold? A rush of air entering his "slung low" jeans, inflating the fabric in a suggestive manner?

Or, is it... flesh on denim?!

Obviously this all poses the question: Just what would Paxo think (and what colour are his pants)?