Welcome back to the 2nd installment of the 12 days of Christmas dieting. If you missed day one you can check back over my previous posts. The idea behind this series of blogs is to help guide you through the myriad of temptations that are forced upon you in this difficult time. We all know staying slim through December is a button popping nightmare, but, with the simple application of my tips, you too can avoid the unnecessary weight gain attributed to this holiday season.
Day 2. Be a food ninja......
Ok what on earth is a food ninja? I'm sure, like me, you get a slightly vivid image of some kind of courgette wielding martial artist, however, this is not what I mean. A food ninja is someone that stealthily moves through his or her world, quietly negotiating difficult food related situations without drawing attention to him or herself. Quite often, ninjas move in small groups. This way they build strength in numbers and are a stronger unit, working with each other to defeat the 'social norm' that is consuming boat loads of crap food and booze.
It's a well-known fact that most people need validation in some way or another. If you don't conform to what everyone else is doing you're weird, or looked upon as some kind of freak. I've spent most of my life eating out of Tupperware. Honestly, I couldn't care less. My friends and family just expect it now that if I'm coming to an event, I'm probably coming armed with a few boxes of chicken and sweet potatoes.
I would say I am anomalous in my ability to not care. When a normal person tries to diet down or control their intake, you're almost certainly going to face resistance from those around you, and, have food forced upon you. You get the lines like; "go on, have some cake, it won't hurt" or "you've gotta have drink we all are" It is very hard to say no in these situations, especially at Christmas time when these scenarios seem to be every other day.
A food ninja recognises these impending situations and has strategies to fend off the 'feeders' that surround you. Here are my top tips to becoming a food ninja.
- Seek out the other ninjas around you, this way you'll have less attacks to deal with. Like minded ninjas are great at keeping you on the straight and narrow.
- Prepare your food in such a way that it looks very tempting to others around you, this way, they'll be jealous and will ask about it not berate it.
- Do have some of the 'junk' occasionally in front of peers but limit the quantity, enough to shut them up, but not so much that it does damage.
- Pick your social events wisely, you don't have to attend every single one of them if you know you'll be tempted.
- Make sure you look great! Tough I know, but if you look good and project a healthy image people will compliment you and want to know your secret.
- Offer to drive people to events, this way, you have the perfect excuse to not drink.
- If you are going to drink, do it very slowly and people will see you have a full glass and not offer another.
- Drink clear spirits, this way you can order sparkling water and lime and no one is any the wiser.
There are many more belts to be earned to become a ninja master. Try to start your training by employing these simple techniques and you will become a true ninja very quickly. Remember, if someone is acting negatively towards you while you're trying to better yourself, then it is probably because they are jealous that they don't possess the strength to do it themselves.
Ganbarou (good luck in Japanese)
Watch this space for day three of the 12 days of Christmas dieting.
Keep on liftin' Ali 'Fat Al' StewartSuggest a correction