Usually what holds us back from getting the most out of our love life is communication. My one of my biggest challenges in teaching sexual consent is combating the myth that asking for sex ruins the mood. When it comes to sex, "the mood" should be the least of your worries because rape doesn't just ruin "the mood", it ruins lives. When it comes to sex, your focus should be on consent and communication.
If consent is not freely-given, informed, sober, ongoing, mutual activity among adults, also known as enthusiastic consent, it's rape. If you have to convince someone, you need to up your game and try out these 35 sexy ways to ask for consent.
Sexual assault can happen in the subtlest of ways and it's much more than "yes" or "no". The context around how consent is given is everything. I mean, EVERYTHING!
Here is a list of how to NOT ask for consent:
1. "Come on, you know you want to!"
2. "Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee?" (whiny voice)
3. "But I'm so horny!"
4. "You didn't say that last time..."
5. "Just a quickie."
6. "Just a little."
7. "Just five minutes".
8. "Just touch it."
9. "Just kiss it."
10. "Just look at it!" (A guy totally said this to me once)
11. "I know you don't want to have sex but can at least get a hand job?"
12. "But I have blue balls!"
13. "You already got me hard."
14. "Just let me go down on you."
15. "But my pussy is so wet!"
16. "We're already naked so we might as well."
17. "How can you say 'no' to THIS?!"
18. "Why not?"
19. "What's wrong with you?"
20. "Why did you invite me over, then?"
21. "Why did you get on top of me?"
22. "You're just a tease."
23. "You got me all hot and bothered for no reason."
24. "You've got to be kidding me."
25. "What do you mean, "no"?"
26. "You've never said "no" before..."
27. "But I'm your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/lover/fuck buddy."
28. "I thought you liked me."
29. "I thought you loved me."
30. "I haven't had sex in forever!"
31. "I just want you so bad, though"
32. "I can't help myself."
33. "Don't leave me hanging."
34. "Dude, I've been in the friend zone forever!"
35. "Come on!"
No one is entitled to your body and on the flipside, no one in the entire world owes you sex. If you get rejected, reply nobly with something like, "I respect that" or "that's cool". Suggest cuddling or doing a non-sexual activity that will make both of you feel comfortable.
Convincing someone until they say "yes" is not sex, it's called apprehensive consent, also known as rape.
It's time we set aside the myth that there is something romantic about pursuing someone until they say "yes". If someone rejects you, they're just not that into you. Try your luck elsewhere until you find a partner that is just as crazy about you as you are them!
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