Mother. Blogger at Muma on the Edge. Restaurant Critic. Funny - probably not in a ha ha way.
I am a Mother, a Blogger- Muma on the Edge, a Wannabe Comedian and a Restaurant Critic. All rolled into one very honest, blunt human being. I have 2 small girls who provide ample material for my blog, as well as terrorising the poor unsuspecting restaurateurs whose doors we darken.
After 33 years, I have finally figured out what I want to do when I'm older: Write.
It's only too late to follow your dreams when you're 6ft under.
I'm in a seriously sweary mood today, it's three weeks since my last silent coffee. Ordinarily sweary wouldn't be a problem. You'd never have known that I've shouted expletives into the fridge with the frequency of a bad case of Tourette's today.
Don't get me wrong, I am under no illusion that I can shield my babies from these monsters forever, their attacks are so random who knows what is around the corner. But at this very moment all I can think is that I must try, as best as I can, to avoid putting them in harm's way. And yes, for us, that does mean avoiding crowded places for a while.
Let's face it, Lila just can't find the staff these days. I pander to her whims based on a battle to battle evaluation; The bottom line being how prepared I am to deal with a mini-person literally melting onto the carpet.
Lila is potty training herself; you've heard of baby led weaning? Well this is the toilet version. I'm not sure if this is an actual thing or if I am just breaking out of the muma-society mould here, I'm sure you'll let me know...
I am standing on an unsteady conveyor belt, clutching 5 crystal glasses in one hand, the other is stretched out to catch a priceless bottle of red from smashing to the floor. On my back is one child, and on my front is the other.
I had subconsciously buried this teeny tiny fact once I had finished the gravy train of education. I sat my last exam at university, which I took in a separate room to my peers, just like I had taken all of my exams. We had extra time as well as a couple of helpful ladies ready and willing to assist us more needy students. This was the last time I really gave my dyslexia any thought.