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Philip Hepple

Comedy writer, eternal bridesmaid

Writer for Treason Show, Newsrevue. Born in Manchester. Shoe Size: 12. Favourite Beatle: Paul. Favourite Police Academy Film: None. Biggest Fear: Fear itself.

Surely the Royal Family Has Run Its Course?

This is not a dig at the Queen personally. She just happened to be born into this world; she didn't do anything to be put in this position, which is exactly the point.
31/08/2012 17:09 BST

Who Could Provide Further Security at the Olympic Games?

With the likes of wars and GBH still on-going, the army and the police already have jobs that deserve their attention, so dragging them out of where they need to be is not the best solution to the problem. There are other ways of adding security at the games that have seemingly been overlooked.
17/07/2012 20:53 BST

What I've Learnt About Men and Women by Watching 'Take Me Out'

On Saturday night I came to the end of a weekly tradition. My beloved <em>Take Me Out</em> had its last show of the series. Although it didn't say it would be back for another series, surely it will be... hopefully... don't make me punch you, ITV... BRING IT BACK!
08/04/2012 22:21 BST

LMFAO - Music's Lowest Ever Point?

After James Cameron's record-breaking expedition there is another landmark that needs to be announced - surely that LMFAO and their music mark the lowest point in the history of recorded sound.
29/03/2012 22:16 BST

Easter Eggs, the Ultimate Holiday Dessert?

The use of the egg in Easter is primarily meant to represent rebirth, which doesn't really make sense to me. When I think of eggs I think more along the lines of mystery. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Is Jesus the egg? Does that make God a chicken?
18/03/2012 22:07 GMT

Five Ways for London to Top the Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony

If we are to stand a chance of not looking like China's sickly, uncoordinated school pal who always gets picked last at games then we need to be bold, controversial and above all, uniquely British. Here are five ways that we can pull off a stonkingly good opening ceremony...
16/02/2012 21:09 GMT

Universal Horoscopes

Sometimes, in this busy world, it can be hard keeping up to date with your horoscopes. As a time-saving aid I have consulted the stars and formulated a universal horoscope.
07/02/2012 22:02 GMT

The Truth About Man Flu

I don't want to alarm you, but I'm in the early stages of... MAN FLU! Come back, don't run away or switch your browser/tab thingy. You are fine. I am not contagious... yet.
29/01/2012 22:28 GMT

The Best Way to Watch a Movie

Imagine you are looking at an eight-storey building, on the first floor somebody is waving at you but on the sixth floor somebody is also waving at you, then suddenly someone pops up on the third floor too and then there is a polar bear on the eighth floor doing the macarena! That's what watching a film on IMAX is like.
09/01/2012 22:20 GMT

Warning: Contains Words

The Titanic is probably the most famous ship/vessel/boat in history (with maybe the exception of the Love Boat) and the reason it is so famous is because it CRASHED! They were never going to make a film about an apparently unsinkable ship completing its journey without a hiccup.
07/12/2011 06:52 GMT

The Inevitable Conclusion of Reality Television

The professional singers are skewered because they chose to work on their craft rather than whore themselves on reality TV, wiping away the tears after revealing how their grandmother got a paper cut in WW2 then proceed to butcher a Queen song to the slavish applause of the crowd.
16/11/2011 23:19 GMT