THE BLOG

How It Really Feels Like to Be in Between Being Lonely and Wanting to Be Alone

20/01/2015 11:54 GMT | Updated 21/03/2015 09:59 GMT

Human emotion has got to be one of the raw moments of life. There's nothing to conceal, that cannot be found out. There's nothing to fake, that cannot be uncovered - it reveals our truest, most vulnerable selves.

Everyone has those days where you just want to be alone, shut yourself off and not let anyone in. Those days where you'd just picture yourself staring outside the window on a cold rainy day, blasting off melodies from either Green Day or Snow Patrol. However, there's a thin line between being alone and being lonely, in that the former is a voluntary action, whilst the latter is an aftermath of a long, solitary shut off. To be in between used to be a mystery, until vulnerability sparked its possibility.

You see, being in between wanting to be alone and feeling lonely is as tricky as falling in love and feeling in love. The struggle to constantly shove people away, and wanting them to understand you is real. There are those days when you just want to have your 'me' time; and then come those days where you're tired of people not trying hard enough to listen to you. There is a constant battle to feel safe and the battle to feel important. Safe, with our own fortress, but without anyone else. We look out, guard our walls whilst waiting for the day that someone's willing to tear down our walls. On the other end, the lonely calls to be noticed, the prolonged absence of people who touches his/her life has created space - a warpzone no one dares to enter. Being in between feels confusing and consuming, it feels like being lonely, but with the willingness to reach out and feel safe. Being in between entails that we admit that we can't be alone all the time, yet we feel helpless. Worst of all, being in between feels like we're stuck in a perpetual vortex of emotions with no way out, so we end up locking ourselves.

The truth is, we shut ourselves in order to protect ourselves from pain and anxiety. We close in on others and deny any form help from them. Our tendencies to be alone are justified by means of self-sustaining ideologies. We painted our own blank canvas to fill it up ourselves; but, admit it, we aren't created to be a lone creature. We have companions to carry our burden with us -- we don't have to carry them alone. The struggle is only real if we let our emotions get the best of us.

We're young and free, and victors of our own lives - let's not allow negative emotions to consume us. We have friends and family - people who matter to us, they will make us feel both safe and important. We have to remember that we can't do everything alone, we have to let people in and other people help us, because sulking and complaining won't help you become better - they will only burn out your passion for life. Always remember that we are the masters of our emotions. There's no need to struggle to be in between, because we all have a choice to be happy, and it's a choice worth taking.