So what did we learn about the candidate who ran on a platform of sticking it to the elitist establishment and representing the common worker?
1) His Chairs.
Not just any gold chair but Louis XV gold chairs.
And nothing says “man of the people” better than furniture modelled on a period characterised by ineffectual rule, excesses of the royal court and financial misadventure that contributed to the national unrest that would eventually become the French Revolution of 1789.
It should also be noted that the Trump family’s interview on 60 Minutes where they reassured the American people they had their best interests at heart was made from said gold thrones.
2) His Lift.
Sure, every high-rise in the land has a lift, they’re nothing special. But there’s something different about Trump’s. It doesn’t jump out immediately.
Oops, no it really does.
3) His Decor.
Pop down to any local B&Q and the very first section you walk in to is the “Ostentatious Gold And Marble” aisle.
Clearly this is trump’s favourite section as it is EVERYWHERE.
Just like at your Gran’s house.
4) His View.
I bet a lot of people can see a few trees from their house, noting special to see here.
Pah, barely worth getting out of bed for.
If you’re after something similar you could buy this apartment nearby for just $110,000. Bargain.
Oh hang on, that’s the rent.
5) His Childhood.
OK, so his actual childhood isn’t in his apartment but he does reference it.
He denies he had an “opulent” upbringing while a picture of his modest childhood home is shown.
Just a reminder that the average floor space of a UK home is 76 square metres.
And here’s the modest price tag:
6) The Toy Car.
Donald trump’s son, Barron, has the same toys as any other child, a little toy car.
Perhaps you grew up with a collection of Matchbox cars or maybe even if you were lucky, a Scalextric?
Poor Barron only has one.
Oh wait, hang on. That’s personalised.
And fully motorised.
Even his little toys are telling.
7) His Letter.
Yeah, we’ve all got one of those.