This week, the Eurozone narrowly avoided what is technically known as an "economic omniscrew". In the same week, a few rebelsin the Commons said "nine" to the EU - which is what Germans say when they mean "no" in English. And you know what? They're right. Now is the time to put the final nail in Europe's garlicky coffin.
I'm "Eurosceptic" in the same way I'm "sceptical" about putting my genitals in a piranha tank. So I'm 63% certain I don't want to be in the EU. You see, I was born in a little place I like to call Freedom. Others - mapmakers, for example - might call it "Wolverhampton". But you know who also liked maps? Stalin*, that's who. And if the Eurocrats in Brussels had their way, the streets of Wolverhampton would be full of Brie-munching accountants and their live-in lovers - rather than good, honest, British unemployed people.
The Commons revolt against the government shows Tory backbenchers have got their priorities right. Sure, we've got some problems at home. The government's economic plan is having some issues relating to what I call "workingness" (in the same way the Hindenburg had issues relating to flame). You could argue that's what these backbench Tories should be in up in arms over, especially after the Tory chairman of the Treasury select committee said the government doesn't have a "coherent growth plan".
But no - the backbenchers see the bigger picture. If you'll allow an extended and powerful metaphor: they can see that not just our tree is on fire, but that the whole forest is on fire. And so obviously we should airlift our tree - still on fire - out of the flaming forest, and THEN deal with the fire.
I couldn't agree with them more. I want to leave the EU because as a right-winger, I passionately believe in a Britain run by the British. That's why, for example, I strongly support the privatisation of national services. I like the fact much of British energy is now owned by a French national company and much of our transport by a German national company - and why's that different from the EU? Because we still have a choice. If you don't like a fare hike on your train, you have a variety of transport options (hover boards, Flu Powder - to name just two from my imagination). Compare that with the EU. It's budget and decisions are apparently passed by elected MEPs - but if MEPs were so important, surely I'd have bothered to research what they do?
And, according to a recent press conference I held in my living room, some disturbing facts have been discovered about MEPs. For example, they allocated €120bn to making the European Parliament look and function like the Galactic Senate out of Star Wars, just because it would be "cool". Then - scared they would be found out - they spent a further €463bn on specially made cameras so that footage made it look like a sports hall full of blue desks and bilingual nerds.
A good use of money? Nine**. Britain belongs to the British (apart from our energy, transport etc etc). Let's keep it that way.
*Probably.
**Again, that's "no", not the numerical "nine"