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The Difference Between Men and Women - Or Why Your Ex-Boyfriend Is an Absolute Tool

11/09/2014 11:57 BST | Updated 11/11/2014 10:59 GMT

Recently, after a particularly venomous comment about the standard of men on Tinder I was tweeted by a disgruntled man suggesting to me that - 'all women were mad!' I always welcome constructive criticism and was glad that my writing had stirred up passion in his loins, albeit of the confrontational sort.

This isn't the first time I have been called mad. In fact it was only a few days ago that a lover told me that the reason he enjoyed my company so much was that I was 'chaotic, unpredictable and totally unsuitable as a girlfriend' - a compliment if there ever was one. I would far rather be called mad and chaotic than nice and safe ... as the saying goes 'well-behaved women never make history' Amen to that. As coincidence would have it, a few hours after I received a phone call from a friend, quite beside herself with grief, furious at having seen her ex-boyfriend on an online dating site barely a week after they had broken up.

I don't sit these two examples next to each other as confirmation of women's madness, hell no, they'll be world peace before that list was finished, but as example of something totally unchangeable - men and woman are different - always have been, always will be.

Don't just take my word for it either. There are endless scientific studies proving that there a countless differences in the male and female brain. Grieve no more, my friend, I have the answers:

Men are able to separate information, stimulus, emotions, relationships, etc., into separate compartments in their brains, while women tend to link everything together.

Which, broken down basically means that not only can men not multi-task but they can also move on much more quickly after a break-up. This isn't personal. It's the way they are wired. My friend was confused as to how her relationship had meant so little that he could be back out 'fishing for sluts!!' so soon after the split, she had absolutely no reason to be. His hasty return had absolutely nothing to do with her or their relationship but simply acted as confirmation that his brain was in fully functioning order and he was without question - a man. Because whereas a woman will link certain events in her life together, preferring to see these events and situations as somehow related, struggling to understand how an ex-partner's behaviour isn't a reaction or a result of something she has done (when he says it's not you, it's him - take heed) a man will close the old box and open the new one. Simple.

Woman's brain - "I don't want to date too soon after we've broken up, it undermines what I had with my ex and I should have some time on my own to grieve over our failed relationship. Besides, I'm worried that if I launch into a new relationship quickly it might have an impact on my ability to commit in the future."

Mans brain- "Yeah, I'm single. What's that, you have a vagina and a pulse? Cool, lets date."

Which leads me neatly onto my second point of scientific reassurance:

Men have as much as 20 times more testosterone in their systems than do women.

Or in layman's terms, your ex-boyfriend wants a shag 20 times more than you do.

The idea of a woman crying into a pot of ice-cream/bottle of wine and watching weepy rom-coms is an image I hate. However, as cliched as it is, after a break-up it can often be the case. Women weep and worry, men forget and fuck or at least try to, and it is this that should act as absolute reassurance the next time you find yourself on the receiving end of a painful break-up.

Your ex-boyfriend going back online 24 hours after you've broken up says nothing about you at all. He is not trying to hurt you or get revenge. He has moved on and wants a shag, it's that simple.

So my advice is this: whenever you are trying to figure out the reasoning or actions of a man, strip it down to the basics, analyse nothing and move on ... either that or set up a fake profile and send abusive messages to your ex-boyfriend telling him what an absolute tool he is.

Women, mad? Tsk ... you men.