THE BLOG

How to Get Over an Ex

30/09/2013 15:06 BST | Updated 29/11/2013 10:12 GMT

Why is it that when you just think you have got over an ex, your buttons get re-triggered by a photo or seeing him on the street?

I have sat pondering about this for a while as it has happened to me and I have seen it happen to clients. And the conclusion I came to is that if we are feeling our thinking from moment to moment - then it must be our thinking that creates these feelings.

But the question still stands - why would your thought pattern get triggered in that moment?

We are all sensory beings and if there is a thought that states that "I am still not over him and that every time I hear from him or her I get triggered.." that the chances are that you will. It is the thoughts that you have around your ex that will trigger the feeling not your ex itself.

The reason for this is that you don't live in an outside in world, you live in an inside out world.

Let me explain...

There is nothing outside of you that can make you feel anything, even though you may experience it in this way. In this case, it's not your ex that is triggering the feelings, it's the thoughts that you have about the situation that will be generating the feelings you get.

So I am sure you are wondering - well then how do I stop being triggered by these thoughts? How do I stop these thoughts?

And the answer is - you don't. I am sure you have already gaged that stopping your thoughts is not an option. Changing your thoughts is an option, but here is the challenge with that way of doing things - wanting to change your thoughts will keep you looking at your world from an that its an outside in generated perspective. For example - by doing something to overcome something else is saying - "lf I do this, then my outcome will be peace."

To find peace click here

What if instead, your awareness around how the nature of thought works, was the only thing that you needed to know? What if having uncomfortable feelings is just part of being human? What if the feelings are just showing you that you just have insecure thinking, which means that its not real anyway?

The reason that I have asked these questions is because the answers to these questions are more likely going to allow you to start looking in the right direction of where these feelings are coming from and will bring you closer to the truth of how life truly works.

So for now - when those uncomfortable feelings show up, just let them be - just them float on by and remind yourself that you are just feeling your think from moment to moment and that this too shall pass.