I know You really didn't expect to feel like this and it's caught you off guard, but please don't be scared as I know how confusing this can be. Depression is hard, consuming, isolating, scary and painful, but you will get through it. I know you are struggling and you can't see the light, but it is there. You will feel joy and happiness again and will be in charge of your mind once again.
You are blinded and consumed with fear and anxiety, but please listen to me when I say you are not alone. Please don't hide, please don't isolate yourself as there are people who want to help you. You might not see it yet but you do have a purpose and you're loved so don't think you are not. Don't feel like your crazy and you're losing your mind and that you're slowly falling apart piece by piece as these horrible thoughts and feelings can only manifest if you give them power, which you no longer have to do.
You are stronger than you know, because to go through this battle you have to be. Sure, I know there is stigma and judgement around mental illness, but us survivors are doing all we can to get rid of it and we would love for you to come join us. Battling this disease is not something you need to do alone and I can assure you, that you'll never be alone. We are here beside you, you can call us, visit us or find us online. We are here to help you and remind you that you have people around you who care and people who have beaten this. Let go of the worry about other people's opinions as the only opinions that matter are your friends and you know that they care for you.
Please don't be scared of the doctor or health visitor, they see this everyday and they know you're not a rubbish mum, your mind is just a bit broken and needs help to heal. Don't feel guilty for feeling exhausted as there is nothing harder than battling with your own mind on a day-to-day basis. I know you are struggling to bond with your baby and feel like you've let Miss J down, but you haven't and they will never remember this, so please don't beat yourself up. Please don't let the guilt consume you any longer and learn to let go. It is doing you no favours and that guilt and self-doubt is keeping you prisoner and stopping you from getting better.
Tell your partner, friends and family so they can support you and if they don't understand please turn to someone else for support. You'll find the more you talk about it the more people you will find who have been through something similar. One in 4 people in the UK will experience some kind of mental health problem in their lives so please don't feel like the odd one out. Things are going to get tough with prescription changes, doses increased and councillors, but you have got the power to conquer this. Some days you'll feel like you're back on track and then it will come out of nowhere again like a black cloud, but these days will get fewer and you will have more good days than bad and you'll know that you have the ability to feel happiness again.
You've done nothing wrong and you didn't deserve this. You will get better and you can battle this and in this progress you'll see how strong you really are.