The sheer waste of taxpayers' money that goes into the coffers of this dysfunctional family of glorified benefit claimants is surely a crime. We have just seen the tax shenanigans of Prince Charles laid bare, while an intelligent and reasoned explanation of both Prince Andrew and Prince Edward remains at large.
The thing about politicians is - if they're not talking, or furiously thinking of a way out of their latest web of deceit, or maybe sleeping (a swift forty winks on the backbenches, the ultimate power nap), then they're most likely at some or other official function, stuffing their faces with the finest of freebie food and drink.
So once again we have a paparazzo clandestinely taking photos of an attractive female member of the royal family with her breasts exposed, in what she assumed was a private situation where she was safe - and once again we have editors willing to buy and publish the embarrassing images so the world can gawp at them.
As I speak, the world's rainforests continue to be destroyed, wiping out so much of the world's vital biodiversity and removing our chances of storing carbon naturally; and we continue to ignore the painful lessons of the so-called 'Green Revolution' in India by intensifying our food production methods in such blinkered, chemically and technologically-based ways, that the land and the oceans are now both beginning to fail. Tragically, we cannot even plead ignorance of the consequences of our actions, for the scientific evidence is overwhelming and the impacts are well understood.
I have been, for as long as I can remember, a staunch republican. I skipped the Royal Wedding and went on holiday to Florence, home of the Renaissance Republic, as it seemed the most delightfully pleasant form of protest. I think monarchy is an outdated and inherently absurd form of political power that contradicts every philosophical tenet in my heart - the idea that you can only be born into true royalty is at total odds with modern Britain's democratic principles and emphasis on meritocratic social mobility. Yet, there is a whopping great problem with my frothy-mouthed rhetoric... I bloody love the Queen!