Where does the female half of the species learn this unprecedented skill? Was there an open day or meeting I missed where there were a dozen prosthetic backsides all laid out in a row and covered with Nutella. I like to imagine a stern lady barking out wiping orders to an ensemble of new mothers all learning the skill that us Dad's envy.
Whichever way I look at it, I'm currently in charge of pretty much everything that my dad views as my mum's job. In his defence, most people of his generation and earlier generations would agree with him. The traditional father and mother roles have survived for so long precisely because they are so strongly embedded in our culture.
There are days of mania and whirlwinds in the house where a two-year-old lives when you don't know how it was possibly 5.59am the last time you caught a glimpse of your watch and then there are days when silence descends upon that very same house and you wonder what on earth you spent your time doing when there was no little person around filling your every minute.
You try making conversation, but none develops. Your hopes of meeting new people, making new friends, forming bonds with other parents for the sake of your child are dwindling. You end up sitting alone in a corner, watching your child play alone while all around a community you long to be a part of continues on oblivious.
As adolescent boys (and girls) become overly preoccupied with sex and understanding everything about sex, thanks to raging hormones, in much the same way most women, whose 'biological clock' has got activated, are becoming overly preoccupied with the idea of having a baby and understanding everything about being... a mother.
My 10 year old son is a good and keen footballer. He plays for a team and it's getting quite competitive. He was playing an away cup match a couple of weeks ago, the usual Sunday morning stuff. The referee didn't turn up and so one of the dads from the home team stepped in. You can see where this is going...
It's not fair that he gets branded as being lazy, messy and childish just because he has dangly bits, when he is none of these things. In fact he is the complete opposite. Without him being the cleaner, the caregiver, the accountant, the shopper, the handyman, the daddy or the lover our household would fall down in a crumbling mess.