Years later, feeling strong and positive once more, I made a conscious decision not to let the whole experience of being turned away from the Mum Club continue to get me down. I had a lightbulb moment - an idea so obvious that I instantly wondered why I'd not come up with it sooner: I'd open my own club.
I can honestly say, even though I did feel jealous, I was always happy for them. At first I would say, "Oh don't be silly, don't feel bad telling me! I am fine!" Finding myself comforting them through the experience of having to tell their defective friend they were getting their bundle of joy after only a couple of months of trying.
Deleting the day from my calendar and staying in bed is appealing, but it isn't real life. I am finally at a point now that I can face these days with at least some kind of composure. Processing the grief of losing my babies and accepting that we would not have children has been a slow and heart-breaking process.
For 12 years, my husband and I have been trying for children. It's such a simple aspiration, something so natural. To have a family. When the simple becomes a nightmare, it can take over your life and result in feeling like a total failure. To do the simplest thing, to know that my body is letting me down so badly is hard to process.
It's important to know that freezing your eggs does not guarantee a baby, but it offers a good insurance plan. Future success rates depend on factors such as lifestyle and age. It's crucial to remember that before the eggs are ready for use, they must complete several steps prior to pregnancy including surviving thawing, fertilisation, and implantation.
People going through fertility treatment don't want sympathy; what we want is validation of our feelings, validation of the flurry of emotions that are stirred up in us as we embark upon one of the most difficult things we'll ever endure. We need to know that you get how hard it is, even if you haven't been through it yourself...
I once imagined that having a baby would be a pretty romantic affair. I figured that we'd conceive this baby on holiday or following a candlelit meal. I fantasised about how I would tell my husband, maybe by wrapping the pregnancy test as a gift, or spelling out the news in Alphabetti Spaghetti on his plate.
IVF: I know that I don't have to explain to you what it is because it is a very normal thing today. You all know someone that has gone or is going through it. You may even be going through it right now and you are reading this to seek that little bit of camaraderie at what can be a very bewildering time.
These add-ons include pre-implantation genetic screening (PGS); endometrial scratch (which was the only add-on clinically proven to show some benefit); and additional bloods and immunology testing, to name but a few. New, experimental treatments with a significant or growing body of anecdotal evidence behind them are how many of these treatments could best be described