Britain's poor show in the Times Higher Education rankings is a direct result of the government's financially reckless decision to try and keep out wealthy immigrants. But this self-inflicted academic decline has been a long time coming, and no one on Downing Street should feign surprise.
I pulled an awkward smile, my brain now racing furiously to translate the humour. Half a second, then one second, then two - the window to exercise herd mentality was shutting me in! Ah, whatever, I thought to myself as I tightened my diaphragm to echo the chorus of boisterous laughter in the room.
Last summer, I had the opportunity of visiting several research universities and liberal arts colleges in the New England region. I was particularly impressed with several aspects that really attract international students to study in America: collaboration, innovation and individuality. This journey excited me so much that I wish there was a time capsule to take me into the future...
Having spent the past academic year at Maryland's Washington College, I aim to share some of the things I learned during my time in America that will help you get the most of your time studying abroad...
The law essentially means that working class Brits are banned from marrying (non-EU) foreigners. Yes, you read that correctly. Almost half of the UK population has been stripped of its right to family life.
Students deserve better. That's why NUS is calling on the Home Office to developed clear service standards for their treatment of international students. They need to make it far clearer to applicants what costs and documentation will be required of them and to provide greater flexibility in the case of genuine mistakes.
As we have discovered, sometimes we have to look a little further to find those university photos. We look at five famous faces who were once simply known as 'the international student', and consider how these earlier sojourns studying abroad may influenced where they ended up.
One thing that any student has to remember is how to manage time, and when your school places equal weight to academics and community service, it can feel somewhat overwhelming at times.
Before I arrived, people kept telling me that there's this feeling you get where you're sure you've seen everything before on film at some point, because in all likelihood you have. And they weren't wrong. It's all just as big and tall, the taxis just as yellow and the bagels just as bagel-ly as in the movies.
Before beginning my year abroad in Paris, which I am currently halfway through, I had repeatedly heard three seemingly disconnected facts about the French culture: the French are cold, they are overtly nationalistic and they make baking an envied art form.
As an undergrad about to embark on a year abroad, I was gobsmacked to recently discover that international students are being disgracefully overcharged by sneaky banks for transferring money abroad. Yes, apparently the average undergrad paying £9,000 per year ends up paying £335 in hidden bank charges.
My move abroad has allowed me to study courses in another, yet very different, wonderfully diverse department that has enabled me to explore new directions and new areas of academic life.
Last week I watched The Breakfast Club. In the beginning principal Vernon asks the gang to write an essay about who they think they are. Now I'm going to tell you who I am or who I think I am.
Behind the allusion of achievement, Chinese children are quite literally being drilled to death. In 2011, a government report revealed suicide as the leading cause of death for those aged 15 to 34.
The only place I feel the most at home is at the airport. I recently put Uzbekistan as my home country on a job application form for completely desperate, hopeless banter. (Then I corrected it, obviously. To Lichtenstein.)
Your average teacher in the UK is barely celebrated, let alone commercialised. This is the case in Asia though, where many tutors have now established an enormous media presence and often earn six-figure sums.