Last night in bed, the moment just before I closed my eyes to go to sleep I had the most stomach churning of thoughts that made my (only moments earlier) bleary-on-the-edge-of-sleep eyes, instead be forced awake in a state of shock and bewilderment. Leaving me caught in the hazard lights of Motherhood.
I accept that with the birth of my child comes the acceptance of not having a clean and polished house or life and most importantly comes the acceptance of other parents who are also going through this wonderful, crazy and at times difficult job (despite how smelly, dishevelled or exhausted they may look - as we've all been there right?!)
One thing that was not lost amongst the milk hazed chaos was how at certain points during those first intrepid weeks, me and my post baby self could have done with a list of new mum home truths that cut through the inertia of new mum bullshit and instead brought me and my over active worries back down to reality.
For once the feed schedule you have tirelessly tried and beaten yourself up over when it failed, has started to stick giving your day some kind of shape. For once you feel like you have some control back. That your day is not just one long feeding session and that you have finally took a step towards some form of routine.
I am aware that the majority (probably all) of you will be feeling desperately sorry for my poor husband. Wondering what kind of manipulation and brain washing a wife must have to do in order for him to suggest such a thing. However, please let me put an end to any sympathy you may have by revealing that he is at it aswell and usually more often and for longer periods of time.
As if there is not enough pigeon holing of us mums already, as we endure fellow mums, relatives, friends and the old woman down the street trying to shoe horn us into a motherhood "type". We now have the latest stereotyping on the mum block that is "Momstrology". Yes you read right ladies. "Momstrology".
I am so tired I want to crawl up my own ass and have a nap. Yes, not the first place that springs to everyone's mind as a retreat of choice. However, I need somewhere, dark, un-crowded and most importantly somewhere no one (namely my small humans) would even think I would be. A place they would be too shit scared to even look.
For any first time mum to be, currently being subjected to hours of unwanted advice and comments on how they should be handling their pregnancy, what they should or should not be doing and what type of mum they should be aiming to be, here is a list for you to pin up in your consciousness to remind you that when it comes to parenting no one is a God damn expert.
You tentatively get out of bed and as you take each ritual step into the nursery you realise that your steps are a little lighter and the quick sand you feel yourself walking through most days is now more like a muddy puddle. Your head feels, dare you say it "clearer" and the morning routine not as daunting.