Hello. My name is Helen, and I am an over-sharer. To put it in technical terms, I suffer from Awkward Sharer Syndrome (ASS). Yes, I am the person at the party who misjudges the flow of the conversation, and tells an embarrassing story that creates a fog of discomfort, silencing the room.
When I had my daughter six years ago, I was wholly unprepared for the raft of life changes I was about to experience. One of the many changes I had not expected was the change to my friendships.
You broke my heart today. You didn't realise. We were playing together, sat on the floor with your little sister, you holding one of your Elsa dolls. You turned to me and said "Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a doctor". I asked you why, and you said "So I could go to work with you Mummy, then I would see you more". That was the moment.
A shot of rescue remedy (started using this earlier that month to prepare for a best mans speech) some coffee and a nervous poo and I was off the bench and onto the pitch.
A week or so later it's impossible to say for certain quite what the impact of this delivery was, but I can honestly say that of all my three children (all equally delightful, of course) this baby has been by a long shot the most calm and content, latching onto the breast with ease and hardly ever grizzling or crying.
The ideal candidate will have a degree in Patience, an NVQ Level 3 in CBeebies and the dexterity of an octopus on speed. You should possess a strong desire to be accompanied everywhere (including the toilet) and a high level of irritation tolerance for programmes like Peppa Pig and Twatsy and Tim.
Whilst more snuggle time is lovely, it doesn't always help you feel better. You and your children need exercise and fresh air to feel energised and time outdoors in daylight is very important for beating winter blues and helping tackle SAD. So how can you fight that urge to hibernate and keep those kids active outdoors instead?
It's funny how a small stick with wee on can change your life so dramatically!... well that, and having sex without wearing 'waterproofs. Obviously I didn't wee on the stick, I was tempted though as I'd heard this myth that if you do, and it changes colour or something, it's to do with a faulty prostate.
Since we still know so very little about the many different types of dementia there is a huge amount of scope for research and development, and for informing the public about reliable ways in which they can reduce their risk of developing a type of dementia, and indeed many other common illnesses, conditions and diseases.
Consent. It's the hot topic word of the moment, being flitted around the media, with differing opinions from many people from different backgrounds. ...
It was rediscovered by my husband, ahem, and then quickly forgotten again until daughter was born. Whilst poring over every gorgeous inch of her lovely marshmallowy-soft baby body, we discovered she had inherited a money pocket.
I'd be lying if I said that a small part of me didn't feel envious when Facebook informs me that my friends are painting the town red, but I console myself with the knowledge that I truly lived life to the max before I had my children.
I am finding it increasingly difficult to understand a word my children say. I feel I am probably not alone in this and so here it is - my guide to navigating the minefield of conversation with your children.
It's the look that says, I remember the days when my house was full of dirty dishes, toys, children's artwork, muddy footprints, clutter and mess. I remember the noise being at such a level that I couldn't hear myself think.
Now, in general, I try hard to not get involved with things like this, it is the child's chance to talk about something that they are genuinely interested in, BUT I found my heart beating a little faster as I imagined the chance to Make A Good Impression with the school.
We cannot rely on charities: this needs to be a top priority for our Government and we need to find ways of working together to address this issue. It's no good having policy in place if it is not put into practice. The system needs to be overhauled and fast, if we are to provide the care and support that all disabled children and their families deserve.