It's not a task you throw yourself into light-heartedly, this revolution lark, but I've been preparing for it since birth. The moment I sprang from my mother's loins, I gave the midwife a sly wink (she was a bit of a sort) and immediately set about learning the ways of the world and Mother Nature (another sort).
Like cinema? Hate GOING to the cinema? Me too. Here's a round up of this month's summer blockbusters, all of which previewed in my mind this week without me having to leave the house. Incidentally, if you want tickets to the cinema in my mind, I warn you it involves a dark journey into a stormcloud of the imagination...
I see films so you don't have to. But I also don't see them, so everyone wins. The Amazing Sequel (Columbia Pictures Hollywood learns that with great branding potential also comes the opportunity to make millions of dollars. When Peter Parker is bitten by a film made in 2002, he underwent a fantastical transformation...
I parked quickly and started to look for the ticket machine. There was only one and it was on the other side of the carpark. As I started towards it I noticed that another man was also heading for the same machine and although he was approaching from a different angle we would arrive roughly at the same time. Our eyes met.
If you follow these rules and still don't get any MPs at the next general election, worry not. You will have, at the very least, gained notoriety and fame, you will be more powerful than you were and you will have made rich, helpful contacts that would otherwise not have been available to you, and if that doesn't spell political success, I don't know what does.
With modern epidemics, the metaphor has shifted to a viral spread as a means of quantifying the 24-hour news cycle and the proliferation of information on the internet. But in both eras, new media are met with a breed of satire, which in its propensity to be taken as fact, exposes the excesses of said media. And so, at the very least, we can thank Rupert Murdoch for another golden age of satire.
The kids are revolting. And they are revolting against stereotyping by the media. That is so typical of them, what with their whining and their egotism and their thinking that they are the centre of the universe. Unless that is stereotyping, in which case I take it back (and taking things back is typical of the lilly-livered, spineless middle aged).
It will turn out that those guys who think the world is secretly run by lizards were right all along. But a further twist will develop in June, when it is revealed that those lizards are themselves ruled by empirical socio-economic forces which can be countered by engaging in the electoral process and bringing about piecemeal change.