I have read a few negative articles in the press recently regarding surrogacy. Allow me to tell you my story, in the hope of leaving you with a fuller heart. Infertility is still a fairly taboo topic. Yet the reality is that many people need help to have a baby. It is a serious issue, and it was for me too.
I have secondary infertility, in other words I had fertility issues after my first child was born. She is now six. After five and a half years of numerous procedures, operations, four rounds of IVF, a miscarriage and ending up with a fairy godmother surrogate, I got my happy ending, my complete family.
Whether you deem it as a social family building trend or simply the scientific ability to navigate around Mother Nature, "traditional" surrogacy is not a new concept. As a matter of fact, it is the only form of assisted reproduction that dates back to biblical times. The story of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis chapter 16, is the most notable example.
What happens when the wick of that romance candle burns out and 3 months of you trying to conceive had long passed 2 years ago? By this point you are probably seeking out treatments. Instead of having a date night you are planning your life around your monthly cycle and your date night funds are all but gone from the costs of medical bills from clinics and pharmacies rolling in.
No matter what holiday you are celebrating this time of year albeit Christmas, Festivus, Kwanza, Hanukkah, and any others I may have missed, this is the time of year where family gathers. Traditions are made and repeated. Tis' all about the kids this season. Kids, yes the one thing missing out of 1 in 8 couples lives.
We attempted everything under the sun to get pregnant and, although we are currently working with a surrogate, we got elbow, neck and knee deep in to the adoption process before that opportunity presented itself. When we made our announcement that we were adopting, we were shocked by the misconceptions people have about adoption.
What do you say to someone who is suffering through infertility? We'll we can certainly share with you what not to say. Over the years we have pretty much heard it all. Being on the receiving end makes you feel very exposed, sad, somehow less human. It was like we just admitted that we lost the primal ability to procreate, or procreate easily anyway.
During our last final bite at the IVF apple we let the world into our bedroom. OK, get your mind out of the gutter. We allowed MTV to film us for a year to document our infertility journey on the Emmy award winning series "True Life". Our show was "I'm Desperate to have a Baby". Not the most flattering of titles but also not entirely inaccurate either. We ARE desperate to have a baby.
If someone said they found interracial marriages or gay sex disgusting and believed it should be banned for this reason, would you take them seriously? I thought not, yet Eleanor Mills in The Sunday Times believes that a sensible way to handle the sensitive legal and ethical issues surrounding assisted reproduction is to base it on her own gut reaction to such practices.