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Predatory Teenage Girls

Posted: 13/12/2012 23:00

The Jimmy Savile child sex scandal is widening in Britain dragging in more and more personalities from the music industry of old. This has got me thinking about society's abhorrence and social panic about adult men having a physical relationship with a teenage girl. We read of the British school teacher who ran off with his 15-year-old student, a German politician whose career was ruined by his affair with a 16-year-old and of course Berlusconi with his 'bunga bunga' parties with young girls.

These men are animals. Right? Perverts with no moral sense at all. Right? Paedophiles. Right? The girls, innocent victims with no way of knowing that they were being taken advantage of. Right?

Well, that's what the media are telling us.

But - if I may be the devil's advocate for a moment. Have you met teenage girls? Have you been one? I have and I know that I was fantasizing about sex from about the age of thirteen. It was all my friends and I could talk about and we weren't fantasizing about our pimply, gangly school-boy mates.

At 14 I was dreaming of getting horizontal with Rod Stewart, Peter Frampton and Sting. Possibly all at once. These guys were more than double my age. At the age of 15 I successfully seduced my first rock-star and adopted the secret life of a groupie for the rest of my teenage years, chasing INXS and Duran Duran and just about anyone else who was top of the pops. I was predatory, 'collecting lovers like butterflies.' The truth is that back in the late seventies and early eighties the 'school-girl' thing was a big drawcard. Now, as an older, wiser woman, I find this distasteful and just plain wrong but I know some of that is driven by my ageing ego.

Lori Maddox, a famous teenage groupie from LA, is alleged to have lost her virginity to David Bowie at the age of 13. She was Jimmy Page's steady girlfriend while still underage. And then there's the Rolling Stone who gathered no moss because moss takes too long to grow, who hooked up with Mandy Smith when she was 14! Elvis started playing with Priscilla while she was still a young schoolgirl.

Some girls do develop a sexual identity before others and it doesn't always fit nicely with the current legislation that controls that area of her life. The age of consent varies around the globe: In Japan it's 13 for a girl. In Australia it's 16. In Tunisia - 20. For male homosexuals the age is usually much higher. Does that mean that human sexuality develops differently for girls according to their geographical location or that gay people mature more slowly?

The local newspaper back then, was happy to publish 16 and 17-year-old bikini models on page three. The media promoted the teenage girl as the ideal and it still does. Idiots like Benny Hill had stupid television shows where blokes ran around chasing buxom blondes in sexy school uniforms.

There is a world of difference between a paedophile who grooms and targets young children for sexual abuse and a young man who is seduced by a young girl with casual sex on her mind. And it is an important distinction to make; a shade of grey that needs to be understood.

While the media rustles up a storm of indignant horror at the men who have been accused of fooling around with young girls back in the seventies, they would do well to remember that by definition Bill Wyman, David Bowie, Jimmy Page, Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis and many others - could by strict definition - be accused of child sex crimes.

Back in the day teenage groupie sex was epidemic. It was the fuel that drove rock and roll. It is not in the same category as the Belgian paedophile rings or the systemic abuse of children by Catholic priests. It just isn't.

Celebrities get targeted by wanton teenage girls. I know, because I've been the hunter.

My teenage experiences were not rape. I am in a position to be able to differentiate between the two. They are poles apart. But even consensual under-age sex is considered an offence, even if it is between two experimental teenagers. I knew what I was doing at 15 and by 17 I had learned some hard lessons, crossed some lines and learned to pitch my own boundaries. I believed I had the right to say 'yes' as well as 'no'.

Max Clifford, one of the world's top publicists (from The Beatles to Simon Cowell) was arrested this week in this latest hunt for child sex offenders from the seventies and even earlier, in the British music industry. He denies any wrong doing.

"All kinds of things went on - and I do mean young girls throwing themselves at them in the dressing rooms at concert halls, at gigs, whatever. They never asked for anybody's birth- certificate and they were young lads..." he has said.

I do not make excuses for any genuine abuse and/or rape that these men might be guilty of. Children, women and men, young and old, should be protected from unwanted sexual attention.

I simply hope to present a balanced perspective on this issue.

We are products of our society. The one I live in now is very different from the one I lived in as a young girl. It's very hard to judge past behaviours through a modern-day lens.
Retrospective justice is not necessarily 'just'.

We used to drive without seatbelts! It was dangerous. But armed with that knowledge now, should we hunt down every bare-back driver from three decades ago, lock them up and throw away the key? These men may have done wrong, but I want to be one of the girls who stands up and says - quite unashamedly - that I accept responsibility for my own part in that behaviour.

 
 
 

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The Jimmy Savile child sex scandal is widening in Britain dragging in more and more personalities from the music industry of old. This has got me thinking about society's abhorrence and social panic a...
The Jimmy Savile child sex scandal is widening in Britain dragging in more and more personalities from the music industry of old. This has got me thinking about society's abhorrence and social panic a...
 
 
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08:12 AM on 01/04/2013
Blah blah blah. Hypocritical women hating on the opposite gender again as usual. You're horrible.
05:59 AM on 01/04/2013
While I agree that many teenage girls reach a sexual maturity faster than others, it is the responsibility of the ADULT to make a sound decision whether to have sex with a minor or not. We cannot assume that all teenage girls who are promiscuous are just "sexually mature". Until we can invite a mind reader to penetrate the minds of young women to determine their physical AND EMOTIONAL maturity level, men need to think with the logical and law abiding heads, not those of their penises.
04:02 PM on 01/04/2013
Although some women are capable of thinking for themselves and making sound decisions, some are not - so until we can invite a mind reader to penetrate the minds of women to determine their emotional maturity level, we will have to protect them from themselves by putting them under the protection and tutelage of a man.

Seriously ... can't you see the hypocrisy of what you're saying? If you can't, perhaps my satirical statement above is too close to the truth.
04:50 PM on 01/04/2013
Excuse me, where is the hypocrisy in what I am saying, exactly?
06:33 AM on 01/03/2013
Oh goodness, those poor grown-up men who are blindly tricked into having sex with underage girls! How were they to know they were doing the wrong thing? Oh gee, they must never have been properly educated about the ethics and morals, not to mention the law, that goes along with sex! Golly, we should all feel sorry for these men who have had girls "throwing themselves at them", and didn't know how to say no!
10:50 PM on 12/31/2012
It's sad that the author of this post thinks that her experience and reaction to it is the most valid. It's even more sad that the message comes through that men can't help themselves when faced by promiscuous underage girls. It presumes that the average male's natural state is "stick it in" no matter what, becasue the GIRL is at fault, underage or no, that men have no self control and we should not expect them to. Not what I''ll be teaching MY son, thanks. No wonder we live in a rape culture.
04:06 PM on 01/04/2013
Who is imposing their will on the sexual lives of children? Men who honor a request, or women who would jail (and subject to rape in prison) men who honor such requests?

No wonder that we live in a rape culture, indeed, when women can so casually and publicly impose their sexual will on children, and can be counted on to do so. It disgusts me.
08:23 PM on 12/29/2012
This is a serious article that needs to be read by serious people. Unfortunately HuffPost is not such a venue. Here you will find all manner of hysterics with nary a hint of subtlety.
01:38 AM on 12/29/2012
While it's true that teenage girls may express attraction to older, more powerful men, I think most of the time they are in over their heads and don't realize what they are getting into. What they/we have in mind and what the male object of their crush has in mind are probably two very different things. Fantasizing about romance with an older man is not the same thing as a full-on adult relationship. At 15, I had a crush on a 30yo male teacher; nothing came of it and he was responsible. But when I look back, what I wanted was emotional attention, romance, kissing. I don't think I would have been at all prepared for something more complete and sexual and I think I would have found that totally overwhelming and ultimately, not a good thing.
10:38 PM on 12/28/2012
I am very, very glad Nikki has had the guts to write this. The truth is that teenage sexuality is far more complex than people insist.

I'm a man in my mid-40s. I've heard stories from friends who worked as teachers in their 20s that would make your hair stand on end - of aggressively flirtatious teenage girls placing teachers in compromising positions that could threaten careers, not to mention potential criminal charges.

I work in a sector of the entertainment business where I sometimes find myself working alongside teenagers. I've been on the receiving end of awkward crushes (including one-sided, amorous e-mails from a 15-year-old which threatened to cause a minor storm in my marriage) and earlier this year I worked alongside a 16-year-old whose friendliness quickly crossed into overt flirtation with me and at least two other adult colleagues in their 20s. This girl eventually told me that she had previously lied about her age when dating men well into their 20s. (Before anyone accuses me - no, nothing happened.)

Some girls do this sort of thing and it's pointless pretending they don't. Will she regret it when she's older? Perhaps. I have no idea. As she told me herself, she "likes to play with fire" - I gave her the obvious warning about not getting burnt, but I don't think she's likely to take it to heart.
04:18 PM on 01/04/2013
In some cases it starts far before the teenage years.

As a boy, I became interested in sex by about the age of 5. I met a pedophile when I was 9 and he was a positive influence in my life, always treating me with dignity and respect (and no, we never became intimate). The people who hurt me most were feminists and preachers and all the other people who taught me that sexuality was sinful or wrong - the people who did NOT treat me with dignity or respect but rather imposed their sexual will on me.

Having the right to say No implies a right to say Yes.
05:11 AM on 12/28/2012
Yikes, this article is so hopelessly misinformed it's difficult to know where to begin. If a girl is beginning her sexual awakening, that still does NOT make it okay for an adult to engage in sex with her! Even if she asks. We wouldn't give a cigarette or gun or booze to a child who asked.

One writer's anecdotal positive experience shouldn't erase protections for other girls. Rape victims face enough stigma from society. Now if a minor gets raped, we're going to be hearing even more of "she threw herself at him!" as a defense.

Also, the line "they would do well to remember that by definition Bill Wyman, David Bowie, Jimmy Page, Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis and many others - could by strict definition - be accused of child sex crimes" just INFURIATES me. So, because these famous people have committed rape then you'd rather say statutory rape isn't a problem than acknowledge that even famous people commit rape?

But, then again, I also have to feel slightly sad for Ms. McWatters. It is one thing to take some accountability for "hard lessons" that may have happened in the past. And no one wants to take on the label of victim -- especially "victim of rape/sexual abuse". But she isn't to blame; it's the people who took advantage of her youth and vulnerability at a time when society should have protected her. It still doesn't excuse her using her own rationalizations to potentially endanger other young girls,
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DocManhattan
02:41 PM on 12/29/2012
Jalix, you're reciting the rules - I think most of us already know what those are. Nikki, on the other hand, is recounting her personal experiences and her perception of them, which has nothing to do with conventional wisdom, nor 21st century western morality, nor the law. I think she is to be commended for her courage and this article makes a valuable contribution to discussions on adolescents and the challenges they face.

In your final paragraph, you say "she isn't to blame". That's an interesting statement, because it doesn't seem to me that Nikki is looking to apportion blame to anyone for anything. She's merely describing some experiences she participated in - willingly, as she says herself - and pointing out how radically the way those experiences are perceived by society at large has changed in the intervening years, even though people (and the drives and desires they are subject to) have not.
04:59 PM on 01/04/2013
I meant, she isn't to blame even though her statements reinforce a mindset that threatens other girls/women. In this society rape victims are basically presumed to be lying until otherwise proven; this article adds no new nuance on the subject, it just reinforces a tired trope. I mean, seriously, I'm ashamed at the title of this article, which from the get go sets up adult men *who should know better* as the victims.

That is, I understand where she's coming from -- people have a psychological desire to not feel victimized; people often reinterpret abuse or situations out of their control as consensual mistakes-- but I think that she is very, very wrong.
05:05 PM on 01/04/2013
Also: the concept of a lolita/provocative underage teen is NOT NEW in our culture; the most recent example i can think of is the Archer episode Swiss Miss. So I don't understand how the author of this piece can be commended as revealing a brave or new perspective.
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AlienRedQueen
04:36 PM on 12/27/2012
There is a world of difference between "fantasizing" about sex with your favorite pop star and actually HAVING sex with a much older man when you are a teen.
03:31 PM on 12/26/2012
None of this is new. A womans genetic nature is to mate with the most powerful man she can, and a mans genetic nature is to mate with the most amount of women he can. In the old days, really just a few generations ago, there were checks, balances, restraints and even laws in place for the good of society as a whole.

Pre-contraceptive days, these actions really couldn't happen without consequences. Marriage was the cornerstone of society, adultery was punishable under law, minors sexual nature was retrained and so forth. Even after contraceptives came into use, only married couples were permitted by law to obtain them.

The western world simply threw common sense and good judgement to the wind and said abortion and contraceptions for all. The entire western world is in freefall social collapse, with the state as the new father/husband and even God. Where once the father was the moral center of the house and if he needed guidance he went to the local pastor. Now a days everyone is their own moral center and if a question of morality arises the state is the higher authority. We pat ourselves on the back for being progressive, when it's really regressing back to our animal nature.
12:21 PM on 12/26/2012
Nikki - thank God for the occasional voice of sanity and reason, never mind honesty! these days it has to come from women because if a man wrote a piece saying essentially the same things but from a male perspective he would (a) probably not get published (b) probably be prosecuted (c) be treated by the media as a total pariah and (d) be in danger of losing job and career. I was in my teens during the 'glory years' of the seventies (didnt feel glorious at the time but these rose tinted specs are wonderful). As a teenager I suffered in solitary and onanistic silence. I now see my teenage daughter and her friends have just the same 'predatory urges' ... her friends quite blatantly flirting with me and trying to 'get a rise' but I am dogged with the fear that showing any natural sexual attraction to them will lead to disaster. But if I'd have found them hot when I was a teenager why is it wrong to find them hot now? Surely its not 'being sexually attracted' to young but sexually aware girls that is wrong, whether you are 15 or 50, its how you deal with it that matters.
11:32 PM on 12/25/2012
Understood, when I was a naive and ahem 'horny' 16 year old girl I let on to a male teacher I respected and secretly fancied that I'd told someone in a fit of sillyness, his response was a blase response of which I can't remember, he chose not to take advantage, as I chose to gron up a bit before starting to try out 'proper' relationships.

Girls might mature quicker than boys in some ways (emotionally at least) for a while and fantasize about relationships/sex/etc, that does'nt mean they are looking for a relationship.

I have known and still know a few of these so called female 'hunters' and seen them live to regret hasty decisions based on what could be, rather than the reality of the situation.

Men and women both enjoy healthy loving relationships, but it takes time and understanding on both sides to acheive a healthy balance around not only personal interests and 'drives' but peer pressure, life, work, children and everything else, that type of experience is not in place until a person has lived a little, in my case a lot.

So, girls, remember its hormonal, It'll pass, lads, hang on a few years until the girls are ready, and anyone else, don't - it invariable leads to a painful wake up call down the line and a lot of heartache when you finally realise your simply not on the same page in life.
04:27 PM on 01/04/2013
And how is a young person ever supposed to gain maturity if they are never allowed an opportunity to learn?

A young person (or an old person) may regret some of their decisions, but will they regret them less if some of the people they once cared about are thrown in jail for returning their affection?
11:11 AM on 12/24/2012
At last, a sensible piece about the true state of affairs in the 1970s. But oh how the current witch-hunt sells newspapers!
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smeeeee
Now take your nice red pill
04:35 PM on 12/26/2012
It's like one of those Russian or Chinese purges.
08:01 AM on 12/22/2012
Small, pedantic point. Benny Hill DIDN'T chase the girls, they chased him. Funny thing, memory.
07:08 PM on 12/19/2012
I think it is very natural. If you look at other species such as a pride of lions the alpha lion will be attractive to even the youngest lioness. The onset of puberty with strong hormones and young womens drives are stronger than a male teenager that occurs two years behind. The difference is to be willing prey versus the male psych of am I taking advantage, and what do we talk about post coitus.