THE BLOG

When Do We Become a Girlfriend And a Boyfriend?

29/01/2015 12:38 GMT | Updated 30/03/2015 10:59 BST

There are many tricks I can share with both my female and male clients on how to get 'The One'. It's not that difficult, believe me, given that you have the right tools and an expert's advice. What is challenging though, is to sustain the excitement and romance of the initial dating period, once you are in that 'where is it going?' stage. And then of course dealing with that odd period of 'what are we, are we a girlfriend and a boyfriend'?

Given that more often than not, guys are 'happy just to be', and girls are really up for the 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' tag to be attached, that shadowy period or the time when the decision is being made... or not, can be very painful to us women. Equally popping the question and asking us to be their girlfriend can be very painful to guys.

In addition, and being very direct here, when it comes to guys: if they have sex with you, if they see you on a regular basis and if they introduce you to their friends, as far as they are concerned, the issue is closed. They are dating you.

And if they did not bring up the subject of 'let's be boyfriend and girlfriend' that means just that. They are dating; they are not necessarily your boyfriend, because that means commitment. Once there is a commitment, who knows what's next, marriage? Brrrrrrr...... scary stuff.

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The Image: Fotolia.com

And of course, there is the dreaded stage of rejection. Yes, even when considering asking "Would you be my girlfriend?" guys are afraid of the rejection. It's not uncommon for a guy to suggest to his girl to become something more than just a girl in his life only to get laughter in response. Perhaps she was trying to be cool, yet it somewhat backfired given the sensitive male ego that comes with the territory.

Given the modern approach and all, we discover whether we are their girlfriends or not when they are introducing us to their friends. Not exactly the stuff we want or expect.

The best way to approach the situation is to be straight forward. With yourself. Do you really like the guy or are you more 'lets see where it takes us'? Because if that's how you feel, that's what the guy reacts to. He does not acknowledge that, he just senses that something isn't quite right, or he guesses that perhaps you are not that into him. So decide first.

If you are 100% head over heels with him and he still hasn't made a move, then it's time to start reading the signs. Has he introduced you to his parents yet? Has he expressed an interest in meeting your folks? (Yes, they do that! Once they are ready to be with you, they want to meet your parents.) Does he introduce you to his friends as his girlfriend? If yes, you can rest your case, or just to re-confirm the obvious ask him: "Darling you called me your girlfriend in front of your friends, wouldn't you like to ask me first?" Expect the confusion and then perhaps asking you to be his girlfriend or mumbling something along the lines "I thought the feelings were mutual". That's a signal to jump in and to be his savior and perhaps a hug and something along the lines "Of course, I love that, just would love to hear it from you first" Kisses and smooches are a must.

If you are not sure about the guy, or perhaps the guy doesn't call you his girl, girlfriend or introduces you to his parents. Time to consider other dating options. Yes, you can still work on the relationship, but there is a fine line or a danger zone when working out how much exactly you are prepared to invest into him? Because once he is changed, he will change towards you. And it is very possible you won't be the one he is interested in next.

And if you really want to know? Ask him: "Would you like us to be an exclusive relationship?" Expect raised eyebrows and strange looks. In that case just say: "I want to know how you feel about me?" If the guy isn't sure or he will be unwilling to talk about it. >Leave him and ask him to contact you once he makes up his mind about how he feels about you and once he chooses to be your boyfriend.

Please only do that after about 4 months of dating. As in the beginning each of us is testing the waters. Is he the one? Is she the one? Only time will tell.