THE BLOG

It's Time to Apply for a Divorce. Yes, Mothers.

27/05/2015 12:34 BST | Updated 26/05/2016 10:59 BST

When your relationship goes sour, there is much you can do to fix it, providing both sides are willing to contribute. Yet when one side has clearly given up, for whatever the reason, it may be time for you to consider a break-up. And especially, if you are married and with kids.

Most parents in such unhealthy partnerships, tend to stay for the sake of the children, and often don't realise their kids are more aware of their unhappy state than their parents themselves are willing to admit. It is also really disturbing once you realise that children of such unhappy couples tend to feel that it is their fault and think they are to blame.

What you need to remember, that happy parents tend to have happier children. And if the two of you are much happier divorced, then your children will eventually accept, that divorce is a pure act of two adults who have decided they are no longer happy to be together.

What to do if you have not one child, but two or more? Karen, who was married for twenty years and who has six children, realised early her relationship wasn't working out. In fact, it was her husband who stated that he was no longer interested in her. Brutal? Yes. Yet it is more painful to pretend you are in a happy relationship with your husband when he agreed to stay married to you for the sake of your children, while already building another nest on the site. Who suffers most? Your children, sensing that something is wrong. And you. Because you are left to deal with your pain on your own.

There is a saying, when you don't let your tears drop, your organs will start weeping. Depression in such a case will only be the tip of the iceberg of what damage you may cause to your body.

Unfortunately there is a stigma attached to single mothers that they failed in their relationship. And such stigmas need to be challenged, given it 'takes two to tango'. But before such social changes occur, mothers need to remember that it is about their mental wellbeing as much as their children's. Of course any divorce or break-up will be harsh, yet it is only temporary and it opens up a new opportunity for you to have a new fulfilling relationship.

If you still think divorce is too much to face, consider moving out temporarily, and arranging the days you spend with your kids and the days dad will spend with the kids. And note, your break up is not the reason for dads not to see their children. It is most likely that you who has the issues with your former darling. And kids should know that the break up is only between you and your partner, the parents, and not them.

Once separated, or on a break, don't even try to amend your relationship, concentrate on rebuilding your life at once. It will be hard, but help is plentiful, given that you are willing to ask for it and accept it. Should your darling change his mind, after seeing what he is about to lose, i.e. you and a happy family together, he will come running to ask for you to come back, and that will be your choice and on your terms. If he doesn't? Someone else will.

Besides, is it not worthwhile to have a happier life and happier relationship with your children when divorced than dealing with a continuous pain of being in an unloving and lonely marriage?

It's time to take control of your life and get your happiness back.

As for the children? Communication is the key. Explain the issues are between you and their dad and has no bearing on the children. In time they will understand.

And always remember that the happier you are, the happier your children tend to be.