Following Shafilea Ahmed's parents being found guilty of murder, two letters written by their 21-year-old daughter Mevish and seen by the Jury have been released.
Iftikhar Ahmed, 52, and his wife Farzana, 49, of Liverpool Road, Warrington, Cheshire, suffocated their 17-year-old daughter Shafilea, with a plastic bag in 2003 in an apparent "honour killing".
Mevish, who would have been just nine at the time of the killing, claimed the letters were fiction but the prosecution argued she, along with sister Alesha who testified against her parents, had witnessed the murders.
In them she says "Id do anything to change that ngt. I wish I never seen but I did" and "they tried to kill her so many times... They achieved it third time didnt they."
All spellings and grammar are kept as it was seen by the jury.
I keep having the same dream. I'm awake a bit now and I'm s***ting it. I'm thinking is it me next? 3 times now. I'm having it daily. Maybe its coz of what I'm taking but I'm not getting hallucinating.
Oh dear. I'm messed up. I really am. I Can't stand anyone. They treated her like s**t. U know what yeah, I swore on her life and lied. Something I can't ever turn back yeah but I regret it. I f****** do so much. I hate myself. But these lot knew. They even assisted at times. Why would you do that. Purposely get her in s**t and for what, what have they achieved?! It's weird how at night these things come to me, even in my dream.
Alesha told her to have the drink? but why, why when she knew it was drugged. She was ill, but yet she wouldn't clean her up, no1 would but me. She was so thin, practically dying but oh they wanted that the lot of them. Alesha knew most yet she let it happen. For them its jokes aint it but look where she is. Even when she was a kid she'd get beaten and left in cold till dad came then mum would bring her in. Y would you do that to a small kid.
They think I don't know but she told me everything in Pakistan. Every little thing but they think I don't know. Checking her things. Alesha saying s**t, Junyad s**t stirring, *** (NAME EDITIED FOR LEGAL REASONS) as usual f****** innocent but they all knew. Shutting curtains and hurting her. I seen I tried to stop it but turn round and hit me. Why did da rest sit and watch. It wasnt a f****** show. She was hurting. 3 times she ran but they got her. Manipulate to come bk to them.
Y r people so f****d up. Id do anything to change that ngt. I wish I never seen but I did + Alesha did but sat there and watched. Junyad assisted da dickhead. I even seen the suitcase they took her in. They knocked me over and smacked me coz I seen - no1s arsed but they didn't see her face. Alesha and me did but she loves herself. She caused it, why would she help when they tried to kill her so many times and she watched. They achieved it third time didnt they. Well done dickheads.
Shafilea's sister's letter said 'same things going to happen to me. I got a feeling.'
I woke up today. Feel like s**t as usual. Same dream again. Dont get wtf is going on. How do I even know that. Same person, same place and time. I must be f****** up as days go along. Maybe I need help again. Its the same dream. How did that happen though coz I was there. Y didnt I stop it? People said yda [three illegible words]?
Same things going to happen to me. I got a feeling. Not a feeling actually. I'm 100% certain give it time. I heard them saying it. I'm next. Why doesn't any1 listen to me. I try explaining day after day. People r too up themselves. They heard it too but they wouldn't help me I'm hated. Its coz of da way I am. I f****** pray I can change. My heads screwed. Got a "screw loose" as I get told or "psycho". It happened (several words obliterated) Da date and time is still in my head. Everyone was sat there on the couch. She didn't do nothing. Shouting, time after time. What did she do? Thats it. Space of 1-2 mins, gone. "She deserved it". F****n dickhead. I could kill him. cries I couldnt cope. No excuse for her (several illegible words) What have I done?!
Same dream days later. I'm writing it too (sic) see what does thihs mean?! Maybe I'm taking things to heart, but nah I'm not like that. Things r getting to me. I get in s**t every day. I take the blame to make life easier for ppl around. I feel so cold today, f****** shivering like mad. I thought about her. Why is she in my mind...people say s**t then act nice to her face' y do they do that to her?! I feel empty. I'm alone now. WTFF. Feel like I'm talking to myself. How quick can I get help I wonder. Imagine if people knew what I was writing now. That's it. I'd be gone. S**t. What is wrong with me. I heard again. I wasn't meant to "finish her" same words.
Same. Why is it like this' People get me in s**t. Ha ha must be hated. 2-3 days. Same s**t. Heads hurting that messed up. Give it time. I'm so tired. (illegibile word)! 2-3 days I'm getting help. But how can I show them how I feel, have done how? I'm tired again. Erm, give it 2 days, I will get help. But how will I do that. They might laugh again...they always do. Its not a joke.I'm hurting more than ever.
I pretend I'm OK. Get on with my life. Maybe people realise I'm f****d up u know. I get angry. Some people try to talk to me. I block them out. I get weird thoughts, even he said I do. Thank God I had him he helped so much. I owe him. it could be any day. I thought though now I'm getting a bit better. I'm not the psycho I was but then again its what I thing ha ha.
S**t. I should be grateful. But people think they can get away with things. Even me. Don't work like that. Actually some people do. Them for example. F****** hell. 2-3 days that's it.