04/12/2012 08:18 GMT

Kate Middleton Pregnant: 'A Royal Biscuit In The Oven' And Other Weird Media Coverage

The world’s media let out a collective squawk at the news Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge was expecting, before rushing to their computers and pecking out as many royal baby-related stories as possible.

It’s understandable, after all, the joyous announcement created an instant royal buzz that rippled across social networks, dampened only by Kate had been admitted to hospital with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a form of severe morning sickness.

However in midst of royal baby-related media madness, a swathe of rather odd headlines, stories and ‘additional coverage’ appeared.

kate singapore

Don't pretend you knew: Woman's Day magazine have collated a selection of 'bump' pictures

Fox News led the charge with a rather odd manipulation of the British phrase 'bun in the oven', screaming across the ticker tape ‘ROYAL BISCUIT IN THE OVEN’

TMZ wailed KNOCKED UP and put a different starchy treat in Kate's 'oven' writing

Kate Middleton just announced ... she's got a CRUMPET IN THE OVEN!!!

knocked up

The Duchess couldn't have put it better herself

'Dilatey Katie' from the Sydney Morning Herald came in a close third, offending both in accuracy and taste (she's less than 12 weeks pregnant)


DILATEY KATEY: Almost as bad as 'gestatey katey' which has been doing the rounds on Twitter

Mutant royal children have already appeared in newspapers across the land as artists mock up truly terrifying fusions of Will and Kate faces.


Despite its good-looking parents, the baby will be the most terrifying sprog you've ever seen

Australian site even offered an app where you could make your own royal baby, choosing features from the existing members of the royal family.

A tongue-in-cheek article from Gawker highlighted the unhealthy obsession with royal baby news, writing a piece 'Where and When Did Kate and Will Have Royal Sex to Conceive the Royal Baby?'

No one would really consider such information public property surely? However the Herald Sun felt necessary to inform its readers:

The fact that Kate is not yet 12 weeks pregnant means the baby was conceived after the couple's holiday in France at the beginning of September, when topless pictures of the Duchess were taken.

The South China morning news claimed the royal zygote could have been fertilised in Asian lands and speculated "If Kate and William did conceive in Asia, will they follow Victoria Beckham’s lead and name the child after the place of conception?"

King Asia Pacific it is then.

kate hairstyle

And to think, we got excited about a fringe

Bored of the royal foetus's stubborn refusal to do anything more interesting than develop, The Daily Beast accelerated its

growth and imagined where the babe would go to school.

The Jewish Chronicle was more muted in its speculation, yet couldn't help but muse: "With no word yet on whether the royal infant will be a boy or a girl, it’s perhaps too premature to engage in a “will-they-won’t-they” debate over whether they will choose to circumcise their offspring, as was once a royal tradition."

Women's Day magazine provided slideshow of Kate's baby bump, a rather undramatic offering of pictures of the slender Duchess.

Of course there’s been the unshamed capitalisation on the baby news by every business in the land, spawning a host of rather bizarre associations.