11/07/2013 15:52 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Why My Boyfriend Won't Be Wearing This J.W. Anderson Collection. EVER.

I've spent my life trying to look more stylish than every other girl in the room and now there's a chance I might have compete with the boys too. Thanks J.W. Anderson. No really, you're a peach.


So why don't I want my boyfriend to buy into this particular collection? For a start, I'm the girl. I'm the fashionable one. If I have to get any more feminine to make a point of difference, I'll literally have to start wearing candyfloss. And that's Nicki Minaj territory: dangerous.

Secondly, LOOK HOW MUCH LEG IS ON SHOW. And they're better than mine. And I bet he doesn't even go to the gym. God.

Also, strapless on a boy – er, no. Listen up J.W, no one can do strapless with a flat chest. Take it from one who knows, and is still nursing trauma post-trying to bring back the boob tube (look, everyone has to find their sartorial niche. Trial and error, people, trial and error.)

But probably the worst thing about the show was the skort (that's frilly shorts, by the way). A flouncy ruffle hem on a man with fashion glare was just weird. Skorts were in for girls too at one point, you know, like a hundred years ago. It didn't work for us either.

I did like the oversized pinstripe jacket, but for me, not him. That's what he should be lovingly draping over my shoulders on a cold day, a la Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman at the polo.

If I'm honest, I think there's no way this will catch on with boys. Look how much time and effort the cardigan took. AGES. I'm completely for quirky men's trends. Love the yellow, love the tartan, love the jumpsuits. I could even work with headbands. But, this collection? You're asking too much.