The Goldman Sachs Unofficial Guide To Being A Man, Makes Us Laugh And Cry


Just when we thought wanker bankers couldn't get any further up our noses,'s John Carney and Goldman Sachs parody Twitter account @GSElevator collaborated to create a list of unofficial rules for modern men to live by.

And while it is making us laugh (a lot) in an eye-rolling-I-know-so-many-wanker-bankers-like-this kind of way, it also left us feeling kind of... well, deflated.

The idea of dating one of these morons makes the single ladies on our team wretch - a cold reminder of how many twats are out there and how laborious it is to weed them out one-by-one.

Here are some oh-too-familiar attitudes of men in today's market, to remind you what you're up against...

  • Time is too short to do your own laundry.
  • When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
  • Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning.
  • Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
  • Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you don’t mind that she’s eating yours.
  • Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.
  • One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.
  • Buy expensive sunglasses. Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.

Refinery29 "loved it", what do you think?

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