Don't panic, but America is apparently being ruled by a race of tall, white space aliens who also assisted the rise of Nazi Germany in the 1930s.
Iran’s semi-official, and notoriously barmy, Fars news agency published a series of very odd claims, linking the alien invasion to Edward Snowden's NSA leaks. Obviously.
A first report published by the news agency over the weekend claimed that documents analysed by the Russian intelligence services "prove" that US policy is driven by an "alien/extraterrestrial intelligence agenda."
The NSA’s electronic surveillance is designed to cover up the alien conspiracy, the report inexplicably continues, while the extraterrestrials plan for total world domination.
Snowden, who has been given asylum in Russia, leaked documents that a race of extraterrestrial “tall whites” arrived on Earth, helped Nazi Germany build a fleet of advanced submarines in the 1930s, and then met in 1954 with President Dwight Eisenhower “where the ‘secret regime’ currently ruling over America was established.
A few hours later the busy news team at Fars published a story on aliens and the NSA, but this time the aliens were the victims.
According to this second Fars report, Snowden is unconsciously transmitting subliminal messages about a "false flag" plot to weaponise space.
The report adds that the PRISM surveillance system collects UFO contact data, with the goal of creating a hoax alien invasion to justify space wars and ultimately, domination of the entire solar system.
Thankfully, Fars’ source material may help us all sleep a little easier – the first story was copied word-for-word from a conspiracy-theorist website called whatdoesitmean.com.
The site is registered in the US and describes itself as the site of The Order of Sorcha Faal, an organisation supposedly established in Ireland in 588 BCE by the oldest daughter of the King Zedekiah, a biblical character.