08/04/2014 08:54 BST | Updated 08/04/2014 09:59 BST

'Made In Chelsea' Series 7 Episode 1 Review: Series Begins With A Cheating Allegation, What Else?

The 'Made in Chelsea' gang were back last night - and, frankly, it was though they had never been away, or grown up a single day in the meantime.

The series producers, BAFTA-winning let us not forget, are obviously of the mind - and who can blame them? - that "if it ain't broke... don't change a thing".

made in chelsea

Chelsea's latest love rat, or sorely misjudged? Alex Mytton gets to try on Spencer clothes in the new series

So, before the first commercial break, we had our first 'you told me you loved me, then went on holiday and met a girl' conversation' swiftly followed by the 'I've heard rumours he's been a naughty boy' chat, and these two liaisons weren't even RELATED.

Here, then, in no particular order, is our definitive catalogue of the 12 best things to happen in 'Made in Chelsea' last night - did we miss anything?

  1. Louise and Rosie knowing it's going to be awkward between Lucy and Jamie, even before WE did. Louise and Rosie spreading their wisdom about relationships, generally, because they've always been SO successful.
  2. made in chelsea

    Who to believe? Binky is a troubled lady in love

  3. Spencer doing his country gent routine in the park, telling anyone who'll listen that "I was really rooting for them" - roughly three minutes before spilling to Binky the minutiae of Jamie's love rattedness in Miami.
  4. The subtle nuances of the character arcs brought out by Binky's linear narrative. "Jamie needs to stop saying he loves people," she said, as opposed to...
  5. Alex, who has never said it to Binky, because they're sensible, right? That's what Binky keeps saying, anyway, at least one or seven times, but it appears there might be a problem in sensible paradise, because...
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    Thank goodness for the voice of sanity - "I could get into hockey"

  7. It turns out Binky's perfect man might have a chink in his action man armour. Alex is facing an allegation of cheating, based on 'a friend of a friend of Stevie's' or something. So that's pretty much bang to rights, then. The only consolation to this horrifying piece of news was the ill-disguised look of glee disgust on Cheska's face as she sought to process this news, that she might not be the only single person left in Chelsea after all.
  8. Spencer announcing, "I don't really want to make it my business…" er, yeah. Because that never happens.
  9. Mark Francis's fur collar on a leather belted number. In a gallery. Will the art installation please stand up?
  10. Andy dressed in a royal blue puffer that made him look like a children's TV presenter. Before we saw the Timmy Mullet glasses.
  11. Cheska receiving a surprise birthday invitation from Sophie with charm, grace and gratitude - "Ok, I'll come."
  12. "This is fun," announced Binky, of the bright idea to bring her suspected-scoundrel boyfriend to dinner with ex-couple Louise and Spencer. The latter had a good time laughing at their own treacherous relationship, while Love's Young Dream looked stonily on. You know your relationship's in trouble when Spencer and Louise are looking functional next to you.
  13. It nearly took the whole hour, but there it was - the comforting sight of Andy's guitar in the background. There will be music, people.
  14. Mark Francis and scoundrel Alex exchanging philosophy. Mark Francis settled for Socrates, while Alex flew ever higher... "I always say there's no smoke without fire, but in this case, there's no fire."


Photo gallery'Made In Chelsea': Meet The Cast See Gallery