GTA 5 Online: 'I Am Not A Hipster' Update Lets You Cause Mayhem In Skinny Jeans

GTA Online doesn't immediately strike us a game for hipsters. Yes, you could technically shop at a version of Urban Outfitters, ride around on a fixie bike and take Instagram pictures but… wait, what are we saying? It was totally a hipster game from the start.

Apparently in response to that revelation, Rockstar's latest major update to GTA Online has focused for the first time on the trilby hat, skinny jeans and ironic sunglass wearing community.

The 'I'm Not A Hipster Update' unlocks everything from "retro print tees, skinny jeans, hairstyles, tattoos, animal masks" in the game, and intros a bunch of new challenges and races around that theme.

Rockstar explains the new vehicles are attempts to capture the spirit of GTA, but through the prism of hipster culture:

"Choose from seven new vehicles including classic nostalgia rides like the Glendale, Warrener, Blade and Rhapsody – affordable cars that seem casual on the surface, but have hidden potential to be unleashed with a few modifications. The environmentally conscious set can check out the Panto microcar, while those looking to roll with their Crew in more ostentatious style can add the massive 3-axel, 6-seater Dubsta (unlocks at Rank 100) to their fleet."

And yes, there are hipster weapons for sale too:

"Even Ammu-Nation is getting in on the latest non-ironic trends with the Vintage Pistol and Antique Cavalry Dagger now in stock. Make sure to try all these out in the slew of new Jobs, as part of your long arduous journey to become one of Los Santos' effortlessly cool."

There are also a bunch of new races with hipster names. But you were probably into them before they were cool. These races are:

  • Airwaves (Rank 15, 1-8 Players) Students of style know that what comes up must go down. Drop 4,370 feet while imagining you're over all the bands you listen to on Radio Mirror Park, as you twist and turn sharply down to the pond below.
  • Race Beach Odyssey (Rank 15, 1-16 Players) Nothing says artistic credibility like a grainy image of trash next to a burnt out RV, so get your butt off a nice beach, and go to a nasty one. This is a Point to Point Race for Sports Classics starting in Chumash, ending in Sandy Shore, mainly on-road with opportunities to hit top speed.
  • Race Before It Was Cool (Rank 15, 1-8 Players) Any skinny jeans wearer will tell you, sometimes things just don't fit. Try and squeeze up to eight compact cars around the tight corners of this lap Race in Mirror Park.
  • Race Caffeine Rush (Rank 1, 1-8 Players) If your friends caught you drinking anything except a flat white at an independent coffee house it would be social suicide, but when you need java, you need java. This is a Point to Point Sedan Race from Del Perro to Mirror Park passing by four 'Cool Beans' coffee shops.
  • Capture Contend: Condo-monium (Rank 1, 2-8 Players) Make a statement about late capitalism or income equality or art or pointless statements or something by trashing condos in Puerto Del Sol. This is a Contend style Capture going for the last of the party supplies in the courtyard between two identical apartment blocks.
  • Last Team StandingEast Vinewood LTS (Rank 9, 2-16 Players) They don't know how it started, maybe two girls got the same tattoo, or reposted a Snapmatic without giving photo credit. What they do know is sides have been chosen and East Vinewood's gone to hell in this two team Last Team Standing.
  • Race Embracing America (Rank 1, 1-8 Players) All your friends are going East in search of the last un-gentrified patch of turf in the country, and you're heading West. Load up a so-uncool-it's-cool Sedan, and race toward Little Seoul. Lots of straights and a few tight turns at the end of this point to point track.
  • Capture GTA: Grab a Cab (Rank 1, 2-8 Players) After twelve hours 'rolling' at your local post-industrial techno-house night, your tattooed friends will be too wide-eyed to drive themselves. Pick up some taxis for them in this two team GTA-style Capture based around the Downtown Cab Co depot in East Vinewood.
  • Race Hip to be Cool (Rank 1, 1-8 Players) Because driving around Rockford Hills in nice cars is too mainstream, and going through Vespucci Beach in low riders is kinda yesterday... This Compact class Race takes you back and forth over the Los Santos Freeway and in and out of the Casino parking lot.
  • Survival Legion Square Survival (Rank 25, 1-4 Players) Freedom of speech is dead as the cops crack down on Legion Square protesters. Battle the police on foot, in SUVs, and eventually in Buzzard helicopters. And remember that the real bad guys are the bankers looking down on the action from their office windows.
  • Team Deathmatch Puerta Del Sol (Rank 1, 2-8 Players) Every artist wanted to die young, then they wanted to mock their predecessors with an ironic statement about dying young, now it's a post-ironic statement and they might end up actually dying.
  • Race Trend Setting (Rank 1, 1-16 Players) A Lap circuit Race with muscle cars around Mirror Park for simple people who want to seem complicated.