House Sitter Leaves World's Most Disturbing Note For Returning Home Owner

“Jumped on trampoline, bruised penis. Don’t think I understand how these things work.

“Neighbour came by, asked for soap. I suspect he wanted to eat it. Do not trust.”

Thus reads the start of what has got to be the world’s most disturbing note left by a house sitter.

The note, which also references efforts to play backgammon with a “weird bird” and the statement “all your silverware tastes confusing” was posted to Reddit on Tuesday.

It ends with the sinister instruction: “Don’t look under back deck. (Noises should subside with time.)"

User sosomething uploaded it, stating simply: “House-sitter left this on the table.”

He later added: “My wife and I are close friends with him. We ask him to watch the house when we leave town because our dogs don’t react well to being boarded but they love him.

“Seems like something went a little sideways this time though…”

He didn’t confirm whether he looked under the back deck but admitted: "I'm sure he was trolling us... I talked to him while we were driving home - he didn't mention the note but it was totally normal. I think he just left it as a joke for us to find."

Is it real? Who even cares, it’s so wonderfully weird…