Connor Ratcliff, a U.S. comedian, had a bit of a rubbish day. He got stuck inside a train and then slowly started to lose his grip on reality.
Help i am trapped inside a metal box with strangers and the worst part is I paid money to be here IS THIS A BLACK MIRROR EPISODE
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015Help i am trapped inside a metal box with strangers and the worst part is I paid money to be here IS THIS A BLACK MIRROR EPISODE
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015And, well, he kinda did.
Kgdydlh bxgksgjsdhlhxmgzmghhbxgmzgmzhmbhxhmxhmxhlxhln jlfpurr80570rd6od69d69dvljvpuf7pr69e69dypdpudpu
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015Apples are computers but also fruit but also a child's name but also what else are they what else what else what else what else what else wh
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015Okay how about a doo wop vocal group but instead of singing they are trained to kill
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015They made a new dictionary and the first word in it is is aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaohgodmakeitstop
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015Do not tell me your secrets because I would sell you all out to get off this train for even one minute
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015He then focused his attention on the cause of his stuck train.
So there was an umbrella stuck in the 3rd rail and so now I know who we have to track down its some guy with no umbrella let's go get him
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015One million dollar bounty has been placed on the man with no umbrella
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015For the rest of my days I will hunt the man with no umbrella I am also a man with no umbrella but still the hunt continues
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015Hey Hollywood I am selling the movie rights to the story of the guy who dropped his umbrella onto the 3rd rail because fuck that guy
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015He then decided to tweet a famous journalist to give him the "great scoop".
Hey @ggreenwald how's it goin? I'm in a stuck train and it's big news maybe a good scoop 4 u
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015And got a reply:
@connorratliff Is there more to the story than that? Not that I'm dismissive over the weightiness of your delays...
— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) February 2, 2015.@ggreenwald the story goes all the way to the top I promise you this is pulitzer #2 if you will run my story unedited
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015But that didn't stop him being really, really weird.
All the pregnant ladies on this train gave birth and now ABC development execs want to make it a sitcom #TGIF hey show some respect dudes
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015Do u like me circle yes or no
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015I am the announcing the formation of a new Destiny's Child we have to get over some legal hurdles but once we do its gonna be great
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015After about two hours the train was evacuated, but he decided to stay.
They evacuated my train car but the good news is I have a seat now and can sing as loud as I want
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015Eventually he left, and it turned into an even worse day.
The good news is I just stepped in a puddle and got splashed by a cab and then LOST IT in front of a terrified old woman
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015But he refused to rest before tasting sweet, sweet vengeance.
Tracked down & murdered the umbrella that got stuck in the 3rd rail & now will hunt its owner until I have vengeance pic.twitter.com/Jkb02fDEGu
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) February 2, 2015
